Please Remember

When you stop seeing other human beings as people, it is easier to dismiss them.

If war has taught us anything, it has taught us this.

Or at least it should have.

I read a story today about how Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife, Corretta, went to India for a whole month.  There, a caste system still exists to this day in which there were a class of people known as "untouchables."  (They're called the Scheduled Caste these days, and despite laws that prevent discrimination based on caste, it still occurs.)  The story related how King was introduced to a class of young students at one point as "a fellow untouchable."  At first, it bothered him.  The label is one that I found myself even cringing at a bit when I thought about how I would feel if I were called such.  But when he realized that black people in America were this lowest class (as the untouchables were in India,) he understood why the untouchables of India embraced him as such.  And he realized that the struggles they both faced were, in fact, very similar.

As we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day here in the United States, I think it is important to confront our own biases about others--to look at how we judge people, and to realize that we are all human.

What we do to the least of our brothers and sisters, we do to all.  So, when we actively hate or seek to harm others, we are hating and harming ourselves.

Today, ...please remember that.

Happiness Isn't an Achievement

You don't wake up one day and just suddenly achieve happiness.  Much like other relationships in your life, happiness is a journey that requires time and commitment.  It requires dedication and perseverance in order to maintain, and much like anything else in life, if you don't work at it, you're not likely to see results.

So why, then, has so much effort been spent on trying to make us believe that this, that, or the other will somehow be our quick fix to happiness for the rest of our lives?  I expect, more often than not, it's about making money--and often not to your benefit.  Many of us will argue that we just don't have time for building a relationship with one more thing in our lives.  And yet, if happiness is something we're looking for, doesn't it seem obvious that we ought to make that time?

I've often heard the saying that it's not where you've been, but where you're going that matters.  Yet, in many ways, I feel that's disingenuous.  Where we've been matters.  It can inform us as we move forward in life, and sadly, more often than not, the bad things we've done can follow us for far longer than the good ones.  But without that past, we wouldn't be where we are right now.  The same can be true for your happiness journey.  Remembering times when we were happy in the past can help us to find similar paths in the future.  Remembering times when we were unhappy can help us to avoid the same mistakes.

In my mind, happiness is a journey.  It is not something you attain, but rather something that occurs throughout our lives as we work to build foundations for it.  There is no magic pill (though pills can certainly help in cases of depression and mental maladies;) there are no "buy happiness now" items (though candles, trips, and even a piece of chocolate can inspire moments of happiness.)  Happiness is something we have to create for ourselves every day.

So during this coming week, don't forget to set aside some time to reflect on what's making you happy (and what isn't.)  Put some effort into creating situations that bring you enjoyment, and don't forget that happiness requires effort if you want it to last.

Build a Better Tomorrow Today

Dreams don't become realities just by wishing for them to come true.  We have to apply ourselves to making those dreams a reality each and every day.  To do otherwise is just inviting failure.

But how do you reach for your dreams if you're not even sure how to make them a reality?

Back when I was having a hard time, after my dad had passed away, my mom told me to make lists of things that I wanted to accomplish each day.  I hated the idea, and I don't think I did it until long after the advice wasn't pertinent to the situation.  But she also told me to do just one thing on that list every day--just one.  If I could manage that, I was moving forward.

So, if you don't know how to make your dream real, start by finding out how.  If that means spending a day scouring the internet for ideas, then do it.  If that means taking a walk to clear your head, do that.  If it means spending time each day doing something only tangentially related to your goals, but still improving your skills and abilities, then do that.

As the saying goes: Rome wasn't built in a day.

But if you want to get somewhere, you have have to start somewhere--and that means now.  Today!

And if you're still trying to figure out what your dreams are in life, that's important to discover, too.  And don't worry if your dreams change over time.  And don't fret if you find yourself diverting away from them for a while.  Not every dream will be reached; not every goal will be met.  But striving toward them is worthwhile.

So if you want to be better at something tomorrow, make sure you put some effort into doing that today.  Otherwise, you'll never get to that better tomorrow.

Use Your Voice

The only way to create something that is uniquely you is to use your voice.

Now, a voice isn't just talking or even writing.  Voices can be music or art.  They can be physics and math.  They can be science experiments and research.  They can be machines and inventions.  They can even be baking, gardening, or exercising.  The key to having a voice, then, seems to be sharing it.  Because all of these things, if kept solely to yourself and for yourself, while they may be a pleasure and bring you personal happiness, don't really speak to the world.  It is only when we share these things with others that our voices--the ones that make us uniquely us, can be heard.

Martin Luther King Jr. knew this.  He chose, rather than to keep his knowledge and his hopes and dreams to himself, to share his vision with others.  He wanted to make the world a better place.  Was he perfect?  No.  But he didn't stop trying just because he had failings.  He talked, and he wrote until the very end.

I have this weird, recurring vision of myself as becoming homeless.  I see myself soliciting money, not just to eat, but so that I can go into a dollar store and get some sidewalk chalk.  I want to write messages on the sidewalks that inspire goodness in people.  Slogans like, "Be kind to one another."  And "Keep Going!"  I suspect if I ever do become homeless I'll have more to worry about than this, and I may be far more jaded than I am now living comfortably as I do.  But I guess I just don't want the people who are seen as the least of us to be overlooked--to be considered less than a person.  And I guess I hope those little sidewalk messages would inspire people who see them to maybe also, then, see me.

The thing is, we all have a voice that is uniquely our own, and sharing it with the world--even if it's just writing into the void or posting pictures of the things you make or taking your instrument outside and letting it sing for a while, or sidewalk chalking slogans--even if no one seems to notice, that is something you've shared with the world, a part of yourself, whole and true.  And maybe it will make the world a little better.

That is my hope for all of you: may your voice make the world a better place.

Sometimes It's Okay to Hide

I think one of my favorite words is hermit.

Here is how the dictionary defines it:

one that retires from society and lives in solitude especially for religious reasons

Apparently it is also a type of spiced molasses cookie, which I will now have to look up and learn how to make.  The important part of that definition, though, is the "one that retires from society and lives in solitude."

While I'm not sure I can countenance anyone going off to become a hermit in the world, I do get the impetus at times.  The world can seem overwhelming, or overbearing.  Being sociable can often be taxing, and seeking to fit in can often lead to self-loathing, resentment, and self-hate.  How much nicer would it be to simply not have to be what society expects us to be?  How much happier might we be if we could just pursue the things that interest us without having to earn a living?

Sometimes, it's important for us to escape from everything--including our own expectations for ourselves and others.  Sometimes it's important to take a day and become a hermit.

There is this idea in mental health circles called recharging.  It asserts that often we use so much of our personal batteries for simply trying to do what's expected of us that we fail to reserve any of that energy for ourselves.  I like that idea, as I can often relate to it.  I often feel drained when I have to deal with other people or venture outside.  I worry about how I am viewed--how others see me, and how I present myself.  I despair, often, about how I look and how that one thing influences the way that people see me and deal with me.  I'm afraid that I'll bump into someone due to my own lack of eyesight, or that I won't notice when others are seeking to be kind to me because I can't see their efforts.  I often pretend that everything is fine so that I can just make it out the door when we have to go somewhere.  And sometimes amidst all that internal chaos, I actually enjoy myself and stop worrying.

Which is often why I need time to just ...hermit--to hide away from the rest of the world so that I don't have to think about it, or deal with it, or beat myself up about how bad I am at being a person.

And I think that's okay.

You may not have the same issues I do, but I expect you have stressors that make life incredibly difficult at times.  And if you don't get a chance to be away from those for a while, it can literally drive you insane.

So, don't feel bad about hermiting when you need to.  No one can tell you how best to be a hermit, and if they try, don't worry about listening to them.  You recharge however you need to (so long as you're not harming yourself or others, of course, in the process.)  Take some time off from social media, social obligations, your family, and your other obligations.  Do something that makes you happy and recharges your batteries.  Remind yourself that who you are is okay.

Taking time for yourself--stepping away from the world for a little while to remember the things that make you happy, is never a bad choice.

Hermit by Gerrit Dou, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Don't Get Lost in the Noise

Sometimes it's easy to lose ourselves in the onslaught of advice and opinions, news and facts that surround us.  We listen to what other people say should be important to us, and often, without thinking, we accept that as truth.  But the only person who can decide what is important, who can tell you whether the choices you've made are the right ones or the wrong ones--is you.  And it's important to remember that, because the world is full of people who will tell you you're wrong, or seek to dissuade you from your path, or try to force their ideas of how things in life "should be" onto you.  But as we're learning more and more with science--each of us is unique.  Each of us has experiences that shape our views in life.  And only we know what is truly best for us.

That said, ...don't be afraid to doubt yourself.  Don't turn away from ideas or advice that you disagree with.  Often there are reasons why we feel as we do, and if we aren't willing to challenge our beliefs and our choices, we can't really know if we were right or wrong with the choices we made.  Facing our own choices can be scary, as can facing our own beliefs.  But often doing so can lead to revelations that strengthen us.

For example, there is course that I think I am going to sign up for that starts today that states that we as people need a purpose in life.  I'm not certain I agree with that premise, and I expect I am going to fight my way through the course seeking to challenge its basic tenets.  But I also want to know why this professor believes that having purpose in our lives is important, because I know that a lot of people in life ascribe to that ideology.  So, clearly the philosophy behind it is important as it has shaped our communal vision of "right choices" in the world today.  And understanding that, even if I'm not sure I agree with it, is important for my own personal growth.  It allows me to better understand where we are at in the world--how we got here, and why this idea is so prevalent.

I am hoping that there will be scientific studies that back up this course's assertions, and that perhaps by understanding those, I might better improve my own journey through life.

And who knows?  Maybe I'll even change my mind.

In the end, though, the choice will be mine, and I will have made it by becoming more informed rather than simply going with my gut feeling (and fears) that it's just wrong.  I will have confronted others' views and sought to understand them.

And perhaps in having done so, I won't be bothered by the noise on that issue if it comes up again.  I'll have considered it, and weighed it, and made my own decision.

And that's what I mean by not getting lost in the noise.  If it's important to you, find your answer--challenge your beliefs so that they might be tempered and strengthened, and so that you won't get swept away with the currents when you inevitably have to contend with the tides of others' thoughts and opinions.  That way you can find your own truth in life.

You Are Not An Island

"No man is an island entire of itself;..."

I have been thinking today of compassion, consideration, understanding, and forgiveness.  These ideas are difficult in many ways, and trying to find the right words to explain my vision of them has proven far more difficult than I'd imagined when I began.  I kept coming back to the idea that the things we do and say in life have a way of reverberating in the world around us--that whether or not you wish to accept the social contract of the world in which we live, you are still part of it, and thus still responsible for what occurs within it.

I struggled with the idea of forgiving those who have no remorse for their actions, and then remembering a story in which a Holocaust survivor said that forgiveness wasn't about excusing someone else's actions, but rather a statement that their actions no longer had any control over us.  Still the government that hurt her (and many others,) suffered a resounding defeat in WWII.  I have to imagine that made forgiveness easier for her.

I considered the idea of compassion for others and ourselves, and that mingled with the idea of understanding--trying to place ourselves in the shoes of others.  We are the center of our own universe, so it's hard to put ourselves at the center of someone else's.  But it is essential if we intend to share this world together.

I recalled an article about the social contract when it came to something as simple as returning a cart at the grocery store, and how often we fail at doing that.  How, then, can we expect people to do other little things like recycling?  Consideration in the little things must then lead to consideration when it comes to even greater things.

I reflected on my own lack of knowledge about the world and history--how these things can offer context and clues as to what works in life and what doesn't.  And I realized that being open to new information has helped me to shape my views on the world--how each new piece of information that I have acquired has helped me to become a better person because I am better able to understand others.  The more I have closed myself off from the world, the darker it became.  The easier it was to be afraid and to hate.  And so knowledge leads to understanding, which in turn leads to hope.

But the main thing that all of those ideas had in common was how they were tied to this notion that our lives are not lived in a vacuum.  We are not islands entire to ourselves.  The choices we make have repercussions.  And the things we do and say have consequences.  That is why it is so important to seek out knowledge that we may better understand (this life, ourselves, others;..) so that, maybe the only thing we will need to forgive is ourselves when we fail in that.