Practice What Matters

I remember a time when I was younger, and I was taking piano lessons.  My dad told me that if I wanted to get better at it, I needed to practice. I remember that sense of pride I had when I played at my piano recital thereafter--that sense of accomplishment, knowing that I had worked hard to get where I was on that day.  The strange thing is, that performance wasn't perfect.  I'm not even certain it was anywhere near to it, but the effort I had put into practicing made the end result, imperfect as it was, worthwhile.  I remember thinking that I wanted to feel that way about everything, and thus practice should somehow produce similar results.  But team sports proved to be my undoing in that regard.  No matter how much I practiced on my own, I could never quite sync up with the rest of the team.  That lesson was disheartening, as I recall wanting to quit basketball at the time.  My parents wouldn't let me, and I was relegated to score-keeper for our team.  But even that was pretty difficult with my eyesight issues, and I despaired of ever finding a place on that team.  I was relieved when it ended, and though I tried my hand at volleyball, too, and drill team later, I often felt like a burden to the groups I did school activities with.

Coming to the realization that you're never going to be able to be the best at something no matter how much you practice is a rather depressing conclusion, but it was something I came to understand as time went on.  And maybe if someone had helped me see that being the best wasn't as important as doing my best, I might have found myself in a different place in my life than I am now.  But our society prizes competition; it is the mainstay of capitalism, and perhaps that is why I realized that capitalism and competition weren't ways that I wanted to experience value in my life--because in many ways, I couldn't.

It's then that I began a journey to try and find a way through life where who I was, was as prized as what I could do--where being the best wasn't necessary, but rather, simply being was.

I think, far too often, we over-emphasize unimportant things in our lives and the lives of our children.  We tell ourselves and them that success is the important thing, rather than finding contentment and joy in the pursuits we endeavor.  We celebrate perfection, emphasizing the best of a thing, instead of rewarding the effort of the endeavor being undertaken.  And while it is never a bad thing to appreciate the best of something in life, when we embrace it as an all-consuming passion for ourselves and others, I fear we lose out on the real beauty and joy of many accomplishments in this life.

My father, when he sat me down at the piano for that hour a day wasn't looking for perfection.  He just wanted me to try--to work at getting better, because he knew that even if I didn't master the piano, I could still derive joy and a sense of accomplishment in the attempt.  He wanted to show me that practicing yielded results.  And while I wish I had understood better that the point of things wasn't to be the best, I still remember today that practicing can make me better at things that are important to me.

So, today, maybe practice being kinder, or working past obstacles.  Practice thinking about politics, or learning something new.  Practice the things that are important to you, and you will get better at them.  It doesn't ever matter if you're the best at them; what matters is that you tried.

Practice makes progress Painting by Sai Priya Mahajan

Dear Mr. President

Perhaps it was the change in management, or it could just be my newfound interest in politics (as it impacts my and others' abilities to do things.)  Either way, I thought it might be fun/nice(?) to actually take the time to write to my country's highest elected official and let him know what I was thinking about.  It will give me a chance to set down some grievances, offer some ideas, and, in general, support causes, people, and ideas that I feel are important here in America.  I don't expect he will ever read these letters, but perhaps by writing them, I can better reflect on the kinds of people and changes I want to spend my time and money advocating for in both local and national government.  And hopefully it will reflect an opinion that is, at its core, genuine--my own.  So with that in mind, I write today my first Sunday Letter to the President of the United States.

Dear Mr. President,

Face Your Fears

The words are easy things to write--this gray and rainy morning a perfect medium for reflecting on the path ahead.  I can't say I'm moving very fast, but I'm worried that if I move any faster, everything will blow up in my face and fall apart.  And I won't be able to get back up and start over again for a while.  So, while I'm afraid I'm going to forget the things I want to do moving forward with my life--the patron platforms, the exercise and meditation, the (possible) starting of a career, or maybe even going back to college--I know I need to approach each step with care.  Planning steps to reach my goals is ...scary.  I've leapt forward so many times and fallen flat on my face time and time again--enough that I am now wary of doing so in my future endeavors, especially since these things are important to me.

But that also means I can't run away from my fears.  There are reasons that I am afraid (mostly because there are a lot of unknowns when it comes to moving forward,) but understanding what those are can help me to build a plan to move past them.

It's easy to stay where you are.  It's easy to look at a faraway goal and pretend that it isn't important or that if you just keep walking forward, you'll get there eventually.  But hiding from your problems and your fears isn't going to make them go away.  Pretending you'll "figure it all out eventually" isn't going to work if you don't actually choose to figure it out.

Taking this class on finding purpose and meaning in life is really scaring me right now.  I have this fear that I'm definitely not doing it right.  I know the first week explained what a purpose was; I read the words.  I even took a test on them.  But in my head, they're just words.  How do you figure out the central theme of your life?  Why don't I already have one?  Why does everything seem a big jumbled mess that makes no sense now when I thought I had a good strategy for moving forward?

There is a part in the class where they're talking about how people react to threats, and how the response is greater or less depending on whether you are more community-minded (eudaimonic) or materialist (hedonic.) The eudaimonic people had a lesser response, while those who were more hedonic had a greater one.  I kept wondering what my brain would say of me if I were put into the fMRI they were using to study this, and I feared that I'd end up being far more hedonic than I believe myself to be.  It was a sobering (and very troubling,) thought to me--that in spite of my grand beliefs and desires for the world, I'm too scared to actually go out there into the world and try to do something about them.  It's easy to sit here, writing these blogs from the comfort of my bedroom.  It's easy to offer money to people doing work to help others uncover information about things that I find important.  But what am I actually doing to support the people and causes in my life that are important to me?  What am I doing to make my community better?  How can I do more?

The reassuring thing is, I know I can't just run out there and start doing things; I'm not prepared for that.  I need to take time to think through these one-day fears and desires and pull them apart.  And then I need to plan a path forward so that when I do get to the point where I'm ready to do more than think about something, I have built a strong foundation upon which I can build those new ideas and actions into a stronger whole.

I know we've got a long way to go before we're the person we want to be, and it's okay to be afraid of failing, or messing up, or being wrong, or not knowing something.  But rather than letting our fears stop our progress, let's turn them into ideas on how to move forward.  Don't know something?  Let's learn about it.  Afraid of failing?  Let's plan for that so that it's less likely.  Worried we'll mess up?  Let's consider that possibility and the harm it can do and seek to minimize the harm.  Scared of being wrong?  Let's look at that, too, and consider the worst that will occur if we are.  By facing our fears, we can turn them into challenges to be overcome rather than letting them dominate and dictate our lives.

One of my earlier posts said to be brave, and one of the ways of doing that is to face our fears.  It's okay to be frustrated with yourself for being unable to do it "right now!"--those actions you want to take to get past those fears.  But growth isn't always done overnight, and patience and planning are often required.  Maybe, eventually, it will be as easy as flowers blooming after rain and sun, but we've got to plant the seed first--in fertile ground where it can take root.  And that means getting rid of all those fear rocks in the soil that will prevent such growth.

"Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can."  That quote by Arthur Ashe is a real comfort for me today.  I know I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but I'm moving forward.  I'm clearing out those fear rocks, little by little.  And maybe one day, I'll look back and see a mountain behind me--one I built by facing these challenges and overcoming them.

Change Your Perspective

There are days when the world seems bleak and gray--when nothing seems to be going right, and everything is just falling apart around me.  And then there are days when nothing seems like it could ever go wrong--the sun is shining, and everything is right in the world.  But the only real difference about the one day and the next isn't that the day was perfect, or things weren't going wrong (or they were.)  The difference was in how I chose to view the events as they were happening.  My perspective made some bad days worse, and even some good ones, and it also made some bad days better, and the good ones even more transformative.

There are always going to be good and bad days--the best of times, and the worst of times, but the ability lies within us to change our view with regard to them.  I don't imagine most people want to be unhappy, but there are going to be unhappy days.  Still, finding ways to see them in a more positive light (often in retrospect,) can be helpful.

The same can be said when it comes to dealing with stress in our lives.  It can often feel like an incredible weight--the problems we are facing insurmountable.  But if we take the time to reflect on what's causing the stress, if we give ourselves a chance to gain some perspective, often we can find a way to carry the load, and sometimes even lighten it.

Today, or tomorrow, if something starts to eat away at you or to bring you down--take a moment to consider your own perspective.  Think about the outcomes you desire and the feelings you want to be feeling, and then seek to change the moment in your mind to accommodate those outcomes.  Sometimes it really can be as simple as deciding that today is going to be a good day--no matter what.  Or that the word impossible isn't allowed--but rather possibilities abound.

Sometimes changing our perspective can help us to see things in a different way.  So, when you're stuck in a rut--in a place you don't want to be, try to look at it differently  Force yourself to find another way forward.  And hopefully you'll find out something new about yourself and others.

From President Joe Biden's Inauguration Speech:

We must end this uncivil war that pits red against blue, rural versus urban, conservative versus liberal. We can do this if we open our souls instead of hardening our hearts. If we show a little tolerance and humility.

As my mom would say just for a moment, stand in their shoes. Because here’s the thing about life. There’s no accounting for what fate will deal you. Some days when you need a hand, there are other days when we’re called to lend a hand.

 

 

Sometimes the Blank Page Wins

That moment when, given a whole day to find something worthy of the page, you find yourself staring at it, contemplating whether or not your first idea was better than this one.  But you had already backspaced it into oblivion, a gesture you believed showed better judgement than blathering on uselessly about being discerning--something you're not even certain you have any expertise in, let alone the wherewithal to write about it.

And so the blank slate appears again, a sure sign that you're likely running out of ideas and are unlikely to find something better to write for the last ten days of January.  You've posited about future endeavors, brimming with excitement for the months to come, and you're certain that you've no more useful advice to offer your future self on how to improve should the need ever arise.  And yet, you know that there are surely other ideas out there merely waiting for you to find them and refine them--if only you'd had the time.

You ponder the lesson of "Stone Soup" and dislike the deception that creates the meal that everyone eventually shares.  It's a good lesson about combining everyone's meager parts to end up with a greater whole.  But it's that initial act of speaking about that stone soup you want to make; if only you had a pot, some fire, a bit of seasoning, and so on.  Perhaps the instigator is just as important, though--their gift the ability to envision something out of nothing.

And there you are again.  Staring at the blank page again.  Or at least the page you're certain might be better off blank at this point, but you leave the words there anyway hoping from them some vision will arise.  Or at least some semblance of an idea worth the effort.  But nothing comes.

You ponder the simple joy of the dog that slides down a snow-covered hill; you're not certain if he was doing it because he enjoyed it, or if it was the joy he gave to others that led to that adorable video.  And you decide that it was probably a bit of both.  For a moment, you contemplate writing about the idea of doing things that bring you joy, but then you discard that, too, to the mental trash heap of ideas whereupon so many such ideas are relegated after finding that the idea, while sound in theory, is a beast to articulate meaningfully.

So, struggling to wrangle an idea and bring it forth upon the page, you finally concede that, for tonight, the page has won.  It's blank contours, though filled with words, hold little to be desired when it comes to substance.  And you decide that sometimes that is just the way it is.  Some days, the blank page wins.

But there's always tomorrow.

Here We Are Again

Today a new president was sworn into office.

It was a beautiful ritual that made me cry.  It also made me sing, and made me long for a place that was spoken about at length.  I soared in song and words and poetry.  I witnessed a tradition that seemed somehow more important than it ever had.  And yet....

I wonder how long the message of unity will last before it fractures.  I wonder if the wheels of bureaucracy will care about this renewal of the American covenant.  Will it change with the new president, or will it be the same as it ever was?  Will anyone who stormed the steps of the capitol over two weeks ago have seen the same message I saw today and be moved by it?  Or will they note with bitterness the seeming hypocrisy, and lament that truth, justice, and the American way have been trampled upon by those they deem unworthy of it?

Biden mentioned this "uncivil war" in which our country has been engaged (and my sincere congratulations to whomsoever thought up those words and wrote them into President Biden's inaugural address.)  But I am left to wonder if, four years from now, the words that were spoken today will have had some lasting effect--that those who pledged to follow the President and strive for unity truly had any real success.

And while I want to stand in that moment of hope that today represents, I am left with the wilted spirit of worry that the very ideas President Biden espouses are nothing more than words.  I feel heavy with doubt that those who seek power and money will seek any real kind of reform or change, or if, as I suspect will be the case, they will simply be able to better hide their evils because we'll be unwilling to challenge them for fear that it will cause further divide.

And so, here we are again.  And though the face may have changed, and the rhetoric may have differed, the problems that America must confront remain the same.  Our infrastructure is still crumbling.  Our planet is still being polluted.  Our poor still suffer.  And though there is talk of Change, the reality of that change feels infinitely far away--or worse, not even there.

I want to believe in the American Dream, but I wonder if there is anything left of her--or if she's been bought and sold to the highest bidders after all.

But, as foolish as it might seem, I will still hope that things will get better.

For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
If only we’re brave enough to be it.
~~ Amanda Gorman "The Hill We Climb"~~

Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

Just a Few Words

My heart doesn't want to be here at the computer writing this today.  I want to clean up things and straighten them.  I want to go play games and listen to podcasts.  I want to forget about the news stories I read from my e-mail, and I want to enjoy the thought of this being Donald Trump's last day as president of my country.

I want to share my anger with NYC protestors who were arrested last night on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  I want to cry at the headlines that read that we've surpassed 400,000 deaths due to Covid-19--in a little over a year.  I want to share my joy at seeing the 200,000 flags spread across the mall to celebrate Joseph Biden's inauguration, and I want you to know my fears about California wildfires going forward as I listen to the howling of the winds outside my window right now.

But...I know I need to write something here each day.  I made a promise to myself that I intend to keep.  Writing and words are important to me, and sharing my love of them--by creating with them, is something I've always wanted to do.

So here we are.

I've been thinking about future plans for upcoming months, and I suppose I ought to explain that January was always meant to be a letter to my future self.  It was meant to inspire me as the months of 2021 roll on, and to remind me to ground myself every now and again in some important concepts.  But, of course, I had to follow that advice sooner than I thought I would--"be adaptable."

And while my heart and mind long to run away from this page today, I knew I needed to write just a few words.  I knew I needed to shove some thoughts onto the page--to remind myself that importance is reflected in the things we do, even in as much as the things we say.

So, future self, if you ever make it back here, I apologize for not writing something more inspiring.  But I hope you'll run away with me today and be as passionate as I feel, doing everything you can with all of your heart and soul to make today and each day hence better.