It's Been a While

I've wanted to return to writing here, but life, more often than not, gets in the way.

My dad had heart surgery just before Christmas this past year, and I spent the better part of a month or so with my parents back in Texas doing what I could to help them.  I miss them both so much, and I wish we lived closer.  Of course, I am glad that I have my autonomy, too, but every now and then it would be nice to go and see a movie with them, or sit down to dinner--just catch up and forget that more often than not, we share a lot of opposing views these days that we rarely talk about.

I think, maybe, I'm finally learning to curtail my spending.  Maybe.  I've never been good at ...feeling good about myself--always looking for things that would make me feel like I was part of the group of people that could afford things they wanted.  But I live below the poverty line, subsisting on government money paid for by taxpayer dollars and the kindness of others.  I wonder, sometimes, what people think that money should be used for and if they'd be affronted by the way I am living.

I ended up on a trip to Ireland and Scotland at the end of July and August this year.  It reminded me of the song that lives inside of me--and that I'm overdue for a doctor visit.  I'm pretty overweight, and while I was over there, we did a lot of walking (and a lot of eating.)  I think I might have hurt my knee before we left, though--trying to clean up and get ready for the trip; so, now I'm going to have to head to the doctor to have it looked at.  I also had to deal with some other things while I was away on vacation--women things--and that's going to be another thing I need to talk with the doctor about, too.

I woke up with a haiku in my head, though, and I knew that I needed to get it down before the ephemeral idea slipped away; so, ...that's how I ended up back here.  After looking at my twitter account (@Argentrose1 -- in case you want to check it out,) I saw this link to my site, and I thought, "Huh.  I wonder if that still works."  Turns out, it does.

And then I realized that it's been a while since I wrote something here.  I'm still not sure what I wanted to say, but just writing is maybe enough for now.  Nothing important.  Nothing life changing--just some words to let you (myself?) know that I still exist.

I realized today that I won't have a lot of money for Christmas gifts this year; so, ...that leaves me having to decide to make something instead, and I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do.  I'm excited about it, but also worried that I might not be able to pull it off.  Still, ...I'd like to think that maybe the effort will be worth it.  I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.  And, of course, I can't tell you, because...well, that would ruin it--you know, in case someone OTHER than myself is reading this.

When it's all said and done, though, ...I'll be sure to show you all.

There's so much more I want to say, but rather than leave you with a hodgepodge of thoughts and feelings thrown onto a page, I think, for now, this is good enough.  And maybe I'll be back here soon.

I'd like to think I will be....

Thursday Thoughts

The next few weeks will probably be slow ones.  My eyesight has worsened considerably over the past week or so.  Luckily, I’ll be getting that fixed in the next two weeks, but that means that for a short time, I’ll basically be doing my best to not break anything and having to rest my eyes a lot due to eye strain.

I will do my best to keep writing these, but if I’m a little slow, or there are some errors, …well, now you know why.

Dad Tuesdays

So, before we get started today, I figured I better mention that this coming weekend is my birthday.  And I’m going to be out of town.  So next week’s installment might be a little later than expected.  But don’t fret!  I’ll be back (said in proper Arnold fashion.)

Dads are pretty amazing.  Often they serve as the disciplinarian of the house—which my step-dad often did.  But Dads also have a different kind of wisdom than Moms do.  I found my Dads often had advice on how to survive in the world and thrive in it whereas my Mom(s) were always there to help me try to make sense of the world—and buy me cool clothes.

I think, though, that I’ve always kind of had a special place in my heart for my Dad—my step-dad that is.  He helped Mom raise me, and I know that couldn’t have been easy.  I was far from perfect as a kid, but Dad always pushed me to do better.  He helped me to explore areas of life that I’m not sure I would have without him—like sports for instance.  And when my Mom went back to school for nursing, he became the support network for our lives—helping with school stuff for both of us.

Mom Mondays

This past weekend, I attended the funeral of Tom Gilmore—John’s grandad.  Seeing the family pull together and express their love and sadness together was inspiring and tugged a whole lot at my heartstrings.

It made me think about what I’d do when my own Mom and Dad were gone—a pretty terrible thought, I’ll admit.  As far away as they both are, I know that no matter what’s going on in my life, they’ll be there for me.  And the idea that one day that won’t be the case is…well, quite frankly, pretty terrifying.

So, …last night, after our friends were gone and I had a little time to think on it, I realized that it might be nice to actually spend some time each week reflecting on things that I want to share with my Mom and Dad (the ones who raised me, and the ones who accepted me into their lives when John and I started dating nearly 11 years ago.)

There are a lot of things I don’t really know about you as people that I kind of wish I did, and …I think there are some things I want to share with you all, too—even as insignificant as they are.

Which is why I decided to start a tradition—Mom Mondays and Dad Tuesdays.  Each day, I’ll just write something—a thought, an idea, something I’m grateful for, and maybe a question that you guys can answer.  And for those of you who are reading this who aren’t my Mom and Dad, well…feel free to answer, too.

Beauty All Around Us

Today I saw and heard two things that I absolutely needed to share with you all.  The first is a marvel of technology and art—something so wonderful and beautiful that brings us closer to the machines we have created to study this world and the universe beyond us.  The second is a tribute to a woman who, for many, was an inspiration and a comfort.  She passed away today, and while she may be gone, her legacy lives on in the lives and hearts that she touched.  You shall be missed, Mary!

Smile When You're Feeling Blue

So...I'm not feeling blue, but I thought maybe some of you out there might be.  And rather than spend a lot of time trying to do something about that through words, I figured this song pretty much says it all.  Enjoy!  And don't forget to smile!

Smell the Roses -- Blow Out the Candle

Life is short.  There’s no two ways around that.  Sure, there are things that live shorter lives than we do, and conversely there are creatures that live longer.  But all in all?  Life is short.  And every moment of it is precious.