Sometimes It's Okay to Hide

I think one of my favorite words is hermit.

Here is how the dictionary defines it:

one that retires from society and lives in solitude especially for religious reasons

Apparently it is also a type of spiced molasses cookie, which I will now have to look up and learn how to make.  The important part of that definition, though, is the "one that retires from society and lives in solitude."

While I'm not sure I can countenance anyone going off to become a hermit in the world, I do get the impetus at times.  The world can seem overwhelming, or overbearing.  Being sociable can often be taxing, and seeking to fit in can often lead to self-loathing, resentment, and self-hate.  How much nicer would it be to simply not have to be what society expects us to be?  How much happier might we be if we could just pursue the things that interest us without having to earn a living?

Sometimes, it's important for us to escape from everything--including our own expectations for ourselves and others.  Sometimes it's important to take a day and become a hermit.

There is this idea in mental health circles called recharging.  It asserts that often we use so much of our personal batteries for simply trying to do what's expected of us that we fail to reserve any of that energy for ourselves.  I like that idea, as I can often relate to it.  I often feel drained when I have to deal with other people or venture outside.  I worry about how I am viewed--how others see me, and how I present myself.  I despair, often, about how I look and how that one thing influences the way that people see me and deal with me.  I'm afraid that I'll bump into someone due to my own lack of eyesight, or that I won't notice when others are seeking to be kind to me because I can't see their efforts.  I often pretend that everything is fine so that I can just make it out the door when we have to go somewhere.  And sometimes amidst all that internal chaos, I actually enjoy myself and stop worrying.

Which is often why I need time to just ...hermit--to hide away from the rest of the world so that I don't have to think about it, or deal with it, or beat myself up about how bad I am at being a person.

And I think that's okay.

You may not have the same issues I do, but I expect you have stressors that make life incredibly difficult at times.  And if you don't get a chance to be away from those for a while, it can literally drive you insane.

So, don't feel bad about hermiting when you need to.  No one can tell you how best to be a hermit, and if they try, don't worry about listening to them.  You recharge however you need to (so long as you're not harming yourself or others, of course, in the process.)  Take some time off from social media, social obligations, your family, and your other obligations.  Do something that makes you happy and recharges your batteries.  Remind yourself that who you are is okay.

Taking time for yourself--stepping away from the world for a little while to remember the things that make you happy, is never a bad choice.

Hermit by Gerrit Dou, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Don't Get Lost in the Noise

Sometimes it's easy to lose ourselves in the onslaught of advice and opinions, news and facts that surround us.  We listen to what other people say should be important to us, and often, without thinking, we accept that as truth.  But the only person who can decide what is important, who can tell you whether the choices you've made are the right ones or the wrong ones--is you.  And it's important to remember that, because the world is full of people who will tell you you're wrong, or seek to dissuade you from your path, or try to force their ideas of how things in life "should be" onto you.  But as we're learning more and more with science--each of us is unique.  Each of us has experiences that shape our views in life.  And only we know what is truly best for us.

That said, ...don't be afraid to doubt yourself.  Don't turn away from ideas or advice that you disagree with.  Often there are reasons why we feel as we do, and if we aren't willing to challenge our beliefs and our choices, we can't really know if we were right or wrong with the choices we made.  Facing our own choices can be scary, as can facing our own beliefs.  But often doing so can lead to revelations that strengthen us.

For example, there is course that I think I am going to sign up for that starts today that states that we as people need a purpose in life.  I'm not certain I agree with that premise, and I expect I am going to fight my way through the course seeking to challenge its basic tenets.  But I also want to know why this professor believes that having purpose in our lives is important, because I know that a lot of people in life ascribe to that ideology.  So, clearly the philosophy behind it is important as it has shaped our communal vision of "right choices" in the world today.  And understanding that, even if I'm not sure I agree with it, is important for my own personal growth.  It allows me to better understand where we are at in the world--how we got here, and why this idea is so prevalent.

I am hoping that there will be scientific studies that back up this course's assertions, and that perhaps by understanding those, I might better improve my own journey through life.

And who knows?  Maybe I'll even change my mind.

In the end, though, the choice will be mine, and I will have made it by becoming more informed rather than simply going with my gut feeling (and fears) that it's just wrong.  I will have confronted others' views and sought to understand them.

And perhaps in having done so, I won't be bothered by the noise on that issue if it comes up again.  I'll have considered it, and weighed it, and made my own decision.

And that's what I mean by not getting lost in the noise.  If it's important to you, find your answer--challenge your beliefs so that they might be tempered and strengthened, and so that you won't get swept away with the currents when you inevitably have to contend with the tides of others' thoughts and opinions.  That way you can find your own truth in life.

You Are Not An Island

"No man is an island entire of itself;..."

I have been thinking today of compassion, consideration, understanding, and forgiveness.  These ideas are difficult in many ways, and trying to find the right words to explain my vision of them has proven far more difficult than I'd imagined when I began.  I kept coming back to the idea that the things we do and say in life have a way of reverberating in the world around us--that whether or not you wish to accept the social contract of the world in which we live, you are still part of it, and thus still responsible for what occurs within it.

I struggled with the idea of forgiving those who have no remorse for their actions, and then remembering a story in which a Holocaust survivor said that forgiveness wasn't about excusing someone else's actions, but rather a statement that their actions no longer had any control over us.  Still the government that hurt her (and many others,) suffered a resounding defeat in WWII.  I have to imagine that made forgiveness easier for her.

I considered the idea of compassion for others and ourselves, and that mingled with the idea of understanding--trying to place ourselves in the shoes of others.  We are the center of our own universe, so it's hard to put ourselves at the center of someone else's.  But it is essential if we intend to share this world together.

I recalled an article about the social contract when it came to something as simple as returning a cart at the grocery store, and how often we fail at doing that.  How, then, can we expect people to do other little things like recycling?  Consideration in the little things must then lead to consideration when it comes to even greater things.

I reflected on my own lack of knowledge about the world and history--how these things can offer context and clues as to what works in life and what doesn't.  And I realized that being open to new information has helped me to shape my views on the world--how each new piece of information that I have acquired has helped me to become a better person because I am better able to understand others.  The more I have closed myself off from the world, the darker it became.  The easier it was to be afraid and to hate.  And so knowledge leads to understanding, which in turn leads to hope.

But the main thing that all of those ideas had in common was how they were tied to this notion that our lives are not lived in a vacuum.  We are not islands entire to ourselves.  The choices we make have repercussions.  And the things we do and say have consequences.  That is why it is so important to seek out knowledge that we may better understand (this life, ourselves, others;..) so that, maybe the only thing we will need to forgive is ourselves when we fail in that.

Be Kind

 It seems simple enough to say this, but:

Be kind to one another.

Even the worst treatment doesn't deserve to be reciprocated in kind.  But rather, in my mind, it takes a greater sense of fortitude and courage not to respond that way.  Being right doesn't mean we have to be rude, uncouth, or violent.  And often, if you are that way when you're right, few people will want to listen to what you have to say.

Being kind isn't just about others, though.  Being kind means to also treat yourself with compassion and understanding.  None of us are perfect.  It's okay to be wrong.  It's okay to mess up.  Learn from the experience and move on.  Don't continually beat yourself up over it.  Doing so often hurts more than just yourself.

So rather than throw anger back in the face of anger--like throwing gasoline at a fire, let's meet anger with compassion.  Let's seek to understand rather than condemn.  Let's lead by an example we desire to be rather than an example of what we don't want to be.

But most of all, let's be kind to one another and ourselves.

It's Never Too Late

 ...to get in a post before the day is done.  Although I suppose the same could be said for just about anything in life.  It just depends on how much time and effort you want to put into doing whatever it is that you want to get done.  Some things are worth the effort--like these posts, for instance, and other things (like learning how to be better at PvP in WoW,) are not.  Determine if something is important to you, and if it is, don't give up on it.  Keep working at it as best you can.

Because it's never too late to achieve what you believe is important to you.

A brief aside on this point:

My mom went back to college in her forties.  My dad is just now getting around to fixing up his Road Runner--a dream he's had since I was a kid.  For my mom, becoming a nurse was important to her, and for my dad, that car has been something he's wanted to do since he was young.  They held on to those dreams, and they have worked hard to make them a reality.  It may have taken them years to get to where they wanted to be, but they kept trying.  They didn't give up.  They didn't decide it was too late for them.

The point being: no matter how impossible something might seem to be today, if you keep working at it, little by little, if it's important to you--you'll find a way to get to where you want to go.  There may be lots of twists, turns, and unexpected detours along the way, but if you're willing to stick with it, you'll get there.

So don't give up.  Do your best!  It's never too late to do something that is important to you.

Keep Going

I think the best advice for anyone struggling with something is simply to keep going.  One step more can lead to ten and maybe then a hundred.  But a journey only ends if we stop.  Backwards, forwards--it doesn't matter the direction so long as we just keep going.  You can't reach a goal if you don't try.

I know for some, thinking about the past week, these words may seem trite or even ridiculous, but they are helping me push through my fears and depression.  Also, when I say to keep going, I don't mean to simply throw yourself at a wall over and over again, either.  When I say "keep going" what I am saying is that it's important to acknowledge our failures, but not to dwell on them.  Reflect on them, but don't let them control the journey moving forward.

Today is not yesterday.  Today is not tomorrow.  This, too, shall pass, and nothing lasts forever.  So keep going, even when all you want to do is hide from the world and yourself.  We can only become defined by moments if we continue to live in them and dwell on them.  So if this isn't where you want to be, if this isn't the person you want to be, keep going.

Just keep going.

from a post off the website Design Sponge

Moving Forward

I want to have good words that will make people happy.
I want to be able to write them here.

And I guess that's the best I can do today.  I tried a lot of other words already, and none of them seemed the right ones.

So today, try to do only good things.  Try to say only true things.

And do your best not to despair.

I think I will just crawl back into bed, curl up with the cat, and do something brainless for a while.  Thinking has only made things worse today.