My dad had heart surgery just before Christmas this past year, and I spent the better part of a month or so with my parents back in Texas doing what I could to help them. I miss them both so much, and I wish we lived closer. Of course, I am glad that I have my autonomy, too, but every now and then it would be nice to go and see a movie with them, or sit down to dinner--just catch up and forget that more often than not, we share a lot of opposing views these days that we rarely talk about.
I think, maybe, I'm finally learning to curtail my spending. Maybe. I've never been good at ...feeling good about myself--always looking for things that would make me feel like I was part of the group of people that could afford things they wanted. But I live below the poverty line, subsisting on government money paid for by taxpayer dollars and the kindness of others. I wonder, sometimes, what people think that money should be used for and if they'd be affronted by the way I am living.
I ended up on a trip to Ireland and Scotland at the end of July and August this year. It reminded me of the song that lives inside of me--and that I'm overdue for a doctor visit. I'm pretty overweight, and while I was over there, we did a lot of walking (and a lot of eating.) I think I might have hurt my knee before we left, though--trying to clean up and get ready for the trip; so, now I'm going to have to head to the doctor to have it looked at. I also had to deal with some other things while I was away on vacation--women things--and that's going to be another thing I need to talk with the doctor about, too.
I woke up with a haiku in my head, though, and I knew that I needed to get it down before the ephemeral idea slipped away; so, ...that's how I ended up back here. After looking at my twitter account (@Argentrose1 -- in case you want to check it out,) I saw this link to my site, and I thought, "Huh. I wonder if that still works." Turns out, it does.
And then I realized that it's been a while since I wrote something here. I'm still not sure what I wanted to say, but just writing is maybe enough for now. Nothing important. Nothing life changing--just some words to let you (myself?) know that I still exist.
I realized today that I won't have a lot of money for Christmas gifts this year; so, ...that leaves me having to decide to make something instead, and I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do. I'm excited about it, but also worried that I might not be able to pull it off. Still, ...I'd like to think that maybe the effort will be worth it. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see. And, of course, I can't tell you, because...well, that would ruin it--you know, in case someone OTHER than myself is reading this.
When it's all said and done, though, ...I'll be sure to show you all.
There's so much more I want to say, but rather than leave you with a hodgepodge of thoughts and feelings thrown onto a page, I think, for now, this is good enough. And maybe I'll be back here soon.
I'd like to think I will be....
