Dear Mr. President

 Dear Mr. President:

It's been almost two whole weeks now since you've taken office, and while I still haven't read many of your plans, I've done a little bit of homework to see where your priorities have been over the past week and a half or so of your presidency.  You've obviously been working on dealing with COVID-19, and most of your focus seems to be taken up with that and the bill you sent to congress.  There has been a lot of focus, too, on the climate, though that seems more talk than present action.  That said, I get that the pandemic needs to be your main focus right now, but it is nice to see that there are other important things moving forward, too.  Obviously getting your teams in will eventually make this better overall, and hopefully Jen will be able to start giving more answers during the press briefings rather than relegating many questions to their respective agencies--which is nice for reporters, I suppose, as they likely know where and how to get answers from them, but for us lay people it is rather frustrating.  I mean, sure...I could go look up whatever statements those agencies have made, but it would be nice to see Jen just able to offer a summation of some of those from time to time.

I've seen that you're committed to reuniting families, too--the ones that were separated at the border.  I imagine that's going to take a lot of work, and time, and effort.  I hope you have some successes there.  I like that you've been working to make our processes for immigrating to this country better, and I look forward to your efforts in that regard--knowing that it's going to be a slog to get it through the congressional process more than likely.

That is something that I want to learn more about, though--what the Executive branch can and can't do--just so that I'm not looking in the wrong place for the wrong kinds of leadership and change.  Your predecessor blurred those lines quite a bit, and I confess I hadn't paid much attention until then.  So, I've got some catching up to do.

It was nice to see the statement on Burma, even if other people want to criticize us for not dealing with our own democratic issues.  Mostly I'm glad to see that criticism doesn't seem to stop you from doing what you believe to be the right thing; I could wish there were more politicians that did such rather than pandering to their constituents for re-election.  And though we are not perfect, I am glad to see us committed to fair, free, and open democratic elections, and to taking steps to seek redress when countries' leaders try to stop that from moving forward when things don't go their way.

We are celebrating today, Mr. President--the end of January.  We decided to do dry January this year, and we ended it a day early because we were able to go out to eat with some friends today whom we haven't seen in a while.  Here in Orange County, I do sometimes feel like we're living in the Wild West still, with people not wearing masks, eating inside, and seemingly not caring about the health and well-being of others.  It's frustrating to see that, sir, but when we can do things safely, like my friends and I did today, it really is something worth celebrating.  Maybe we should consider having a national celebration of some sort when our health leaders feel like we've gotten this thing licked.  It would be nice to be able to get together on a national day of celebration to commemorate our successes, mourn our losses, and provide a remembrance moving forward of the dangers we still face.  I think, too, it might help with those grieving the loss of loved ones to know that their President hasn't forgotten about them.  Maybe we could create some kind of national database where people can send information about their deceased loved ones so that we'd always have a way to view it--to grieve and remember together this tragedy we faced as a nation.  For example, the site of the 9/11 attacks--the memorial that was built there--is such a beautiful testament to our grief and to our hopes moving forward.  I got a chance to visit there when I was in New York a while back, and emotions that I hadn't realized were there, sharing those recollections with those with whom I'd traveled there--my loved ones, was important.  And no, COVID isn't some great war we engaged in for a grand purpose, but we lost so many more people to it.  So having a place to share our common grief would be nice, Mr. President.  But also a day of celebration when we can finally say we've made it through.

We haven't heard much from you with regard to foreign policy, though part of that is dealing with starting things up with your new teams and the reviews that you're doing.  I was glad to see your choices with regard to the lack of installing your family into government positions, and also that you decided not to reward large donors to your campaign by doing that for them, too.  I hope you keep with that, Mr. President.  It would be good to see some people serving in the government again who are doing it out of a commitment to service, rather than as a reward.

I see we're still talking about Iran and Afghanistan.  Also China.  Hopefully you've been able to get in some good time with other world leaders, as well.  But again, it's very obvious you're interested in making sure we beat this COVID thing.

I'm glad to see that you're looking to get schools back in session, too.  I think that's the one thing I've heard most of late is that parents really want their kids back in school.  Being the sole provider(s) for everything for their kids right now probably isn't healthy for them or their kids.  Still, I hope you'll look at the fall as the reopening date for schools.  I know that seems like forever from now, but I feel like if we want to make sure it's done right, waiting until the fall seems better than trying to shoehorn something in within the next couple of months.  Taking that time to make sure we get it right seems far better to me.  But, ...I also don't have kids; so, I can't speak from that perspective on things.  The few teachers I know, though, would prefer to make sure everyone is vaccinated, and that seems like a wise idea to me, too.

I feel like there is a lot less news coverage regarding you and your administration than that of the past administration, which I honestly think sucks.  Sure, there were reasons for the news to be constantly speaking about your predecessor, but wouldn't it be nice if the news were covering all the little goings-on in your own administration with as much interest and zeal?  I feel like the previous administration's agenda got far more air time than your own, and to me that's really frustrating.

As always, I'd like to see more talk about infrastructure and inequality, and I understand you're trying to address many of the root causes of the latter.  But again, it would be nice to see more coverage about the groups you're meeting with and what kind of projects you have in store that they're going to be helping with.  I understand we still have a major problem with white supremacy, neo-nazism, and anti-semitism, but there are also concerns regarding women's rights to abortions, too.

I was glad to see that you rolled back the exclusion for trans people to serve in the military.  If only we could get rid of bigotry and hate, but I guess people are people; so, the best we can do is work to restrain its power in the world.  The only thing that should matter about serving in the military is whether or not you're capable of doing so.  So I'm glad to see that we're finally getting back to that.  Still, if the attempted coup taught us anything, it's that our institutions need to be monitored, too.  There were so many stories I read last year about the murders of service members by their fellows.  And I think that bears looking into.  You are the Commander in Chief; so, I hope you'll do your best to ensure that those who look to you for leadership aren't being harmed by those who serve you and the American people.

How do you even begin to address all the troubles that are facing this world?  I know you have your cabinet and advisors, but I can't imagine what it would be like to have to juggle all the necessities of a country--to weigh in your heart the choices that must be made to ensure its peoples' safety and contentment.  And then to contend with those who simply are greedy or power-hungry.  And the worry that would fill me that I wasn't humble enough in the face of the enormous power and responsibility I had--the temptation to look down on others like many other foreign leaders seem to do.

I think some people were disappointed that you didn't offer more regarding nuclear policy for our country, and again, I suspect that has more to do with getting your cabinet set up and the like, but I hope we'll hear more about it soon-- even if you're only going to keep things as they are, though I feel that's probably a mistake.  We need to tell the world that we're not going to ever use nuclear weapons first--that they are only going to be used as a defensive measure.  And maybe the President shouldn't be the only one holding the keys?  I don't know much about that last, but I feel like making the burden rest on the shoulders of one person probably isn't in the best interests of anyone--including that one person.

Also, ...we really need prison reform, sir.  I want to say so much more on that, but I think I'll leave it there for now.

I feel like you've been really clear about what's important to you, and I'm glad that we're going to get this pandemic under control.  More messaging would help, and asking corporations and businesses to contribute to your own message--much as I hate a corporate-government partnership idea, I think it's still a good one.  With the Super Bowl coming up, that's a great opportunity to reach a lot of people across both aisles.  I hope that happens.

I also keep thinking that peoples' attitudes toward wearing masks is getting better, but I suppose it might well be my own relief at work there--that someone leading our country believes in science and is willing to listen to experts, even when they start talking about double-masking, which sounds silly at first, but really can save lives.  I know it isn't easy, but hopefully the time for wearing masks and social distancing will come to end sooner because of you and your team(s).

One last thing on that.  I noticed that you have a LOT of different teams to tackle different things, and I have to say trying to follow it all is a little dizzying.  Please do your best to ensure there's an easy way to get information--that your people aren't always referring people somewhere else, or if they are, get them out there talking during press briefings too.  The only way for people to know who to talk to is by seeing them and getting to know them better, and as much as I hate to say it, your predecessor, in that regard, knew how to make sure we knew who his people were.  It is one of the few pages from his book I might actually bother taking a look at.

With that, I will simply thank you for your good work this past week.  I look forward to speaking with you again next Sunday, and I hope your ideas and especially your relief bill gain some traction next week.  I hear you're going to talk with some Republican senators next week, and I urge you to hear them out.  Even if you can only find one point of common ground with them, it's far better that than nothing at all.  But also, don't give up on your own ideas.  The legislative process is going to play out either way, and better the fights are there than in your White House.

Until next time, then, I remain a devoted citizen and a hopeful American.

~~ Jennifer 

Betsy Ross 1777 --  Painting by Jean Leon Gerome Ferris

Reflections on January 2021

 “And if I say again that daily to discourse about virtue, and of those other things about which you hear me examining myself and others, is the greatest good of man, and that the unexamined life is not worth living, you are still less likely to believe me.” -- Socrates in Plato's Apology 

The Death of Socrates -- Jacques-Louis David -- 1787

I do believe that examining our lives--reflecting on what has come before in order to create a better life moving forward--is important.  But who could have known at the end of 2020 that January would be...well, so eventful?  There was the storming of the Capitol within the first seven days of the new year, and while there are those who do not want to deal with the consequences of their actions now, I do believe that if we don't deal with them, there can be no real healing or moving forward for any of us here.  There was the militarization of our nation's capitol.  And there was the inauguration of a new president, which in the past has sparked very little in the way of interest for me.  This was merely the process whereby our country continued to be and exist in the world.  Had the attempted coup not happened, I don't know that I would have been as invested in what came after.  That there are people in our government who want to deny or even praise what happened troubles me--more the denial than the praise, though.  Praise I can chalk up to a difference in values, but denial is willful ignorance of the past.  And that isn't something any of us should be happy with.

I also made some changes in my life to coincide with the new year; I wanted to change my outlook on life.  Rather than simply existing in the world, I wanted to try and find a way to be a part of this chaotic mess that is life on planet Earth.  Though, I can say that I very much envy the way of the hermit.  Not having to interact with the rest of the world seems more of a blessing than a curse, though I do have to wonder what hermits do with all their time--what they learn, and why they made the choice to walk away from the world.  Perhaps I'll look into that at some point.

Instead, though, I choose to work on my weight by merely beginning to write down what I ate each day.  I was hoping to find trends in my eating habits, and I'm still working on that.  Come February, I'll be looking to add exercise to my daily regimen.  We'll see how that all works out.

I also decided to take a course on finding purpose and meaning in life. The things I am learning in class are definitely reflected in these first days of 2021, and as I'm learning more about how to craft a purpose and become purposeful in my life, I am taking in new concepts and revisiting some old ones and seeing them in new ways that, hopefully, will help me be more fulfilled not just this year, but for many years to come.

I've also been writing here for the past thirty days now, hoping to leave myself some inspirational thoughts for the coming year even as I practice writing--something that I love doing.  Hopefully this will be a bright spot in future days to come.  It has already offered me some valuable insights on my own capabilities and given me some ideas for improvement in that regard.  Mostly, though, I was doing this to prove to myself that I could stick with something--and hopefully if I keep at it, some good will come of it.

Also, I have been taking a picture every day; the reason for this is a rather selfish one, but something that contributes to my happiness.  I noted that seeing pictures on Facebook made me happier--especially if they were pictures of places I'd been and things I saw.  I could recall some of the emotional content of that moment, and in reflecting upon it, I found in myself a deep contentment.  So while the pictures I'm taking now may not have a lot of that "different place, new things" vibe, I do hope that when I look back on them I'll find some joy in having documented my days thusly.

Looking back over January's writings, I am amused to see that while some ideas were scrapped, the theme for the month really remained the same.  I wanted to give meaning to this new year, and I think each of the posts I've written here have done that.  To me, they reflect a genuine willingness to change, adapt, and accept this life and my own place within it.  Not everything was perfect, but nothing in this life ever really is; perhaps in accepting imperfection, there is a perfectness to be found in that.

Looking ahead, I'll be sharing some of my favorite poems with you all in February.  I want you to see the things I love and to share in them.  Perhaps you'll find a new love, too.  I haven't decided how much or how little I want to say about them, but I expect I'll want you to meet the poem where I am at; so, a little bit of explanation will be in order.

Part of the reason I'm doing poems next month is because I have always loved poetry.  If there is any one thing I'd want to be known as after I'm gone, it would be to be known as a poet.  I want to re-examine these poems, though--to consider why I love them; what, to me, makes them so good.  I am hoping that by doing this I'll be able to improve my own writing and my own poems.  And I expect they will inspire me in many ways, as I hope they will you.

I may not be a journalist or a great thinker; I am not an activist or philanthropist.  But I am an ordinary person living a very ordinary life, and perhaps in documenting that, there is some later purpose.  Or not.  Either way, it's a good journey we've begun here, and I look forward to seeing where it will lead.

Thank you for coming with me, whoever you are.  I hope that if I haven't helped, that at least I've given hope.  Here's to the many paths to come!

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

It's getting close to the end of the first month of 2021.  Usually, by now, many of us have messed up on our New Year's resolutions (assuming we even made any,) but some of us have managed to keep them.  And while it may seem silly to be proud of yourself for sticking with something for a certain number of days, it's important that we take some time to do just that.

It's important to celebrate the little accomplishments in our lives--to acknowledge that in some ways, we have grown.  Why, though?  Why is it important?

Celebrating allows us to reflect on something good in our lives--progress that provides a sense of accomplishment.  This can help us later on down the line when we're struggling to keep up with our goals.  We can look back on that moment of celebration and know that the effort we made had benefits--and so, then, our current endeavors can do the same if we stick with it.

I've been thinking a lot about resiliency this week, as my fear response has kicked into overdrive--knowing that this month's topic is about to come to an end and that I'll be diving into a new one in February.  I keep worrying that I'll just forget one day, or that I'll wake up one morning and just not want to do it--and give in to that temptation.  But that hasn't happened so far, and come Sunday, even as I am writing to the President, I'll be celebrating the fact that I have managed to write here for a whole month straight--sticking to a topic that meant something important to me.

I hope that in future days, when I'm struggling to make it to my goals I can look back on that end-of-January celebration and remember that I can do the things I set out to do.  They may not all be my best effort all the time, but I didn't quit; and I didn't give up.  Hopefully that can bolster my resolve and help me to reach the next goal and the next.

One last little tangent, as tomorrow I'll be looking back at the month as a means of reflection:

I realize that right now I don't really know what I want to do with my life.  I'm not sure what I could be good at, and although I want to get my bachelor's degree for sure, I don't know what I want to accomplish once I have it.

For a long time in high school, I thought what I wanted to do was to be an opera star.  That was the thing that everyone sort of thought I'd become, but I never really worked all that hard to understand what being an opera star meant.  I just...loved to sing and perform.  When I got to college, I began to realize that there was a lot more to opera than just singing, though.  There was stage presence, and following a conductor's baton.  There was movement and sometimes dancing required.  There were languages to learn, and theories to understand.  And as I recalled how difficult doing those things in high school were, and as I grappled with my lack of eyesight and worried about whether or not there was actually anything I could do well, I found myself despairing about my future.  And I haven't found a way past that, yet.  Every job I look at has some element of competition and a need for good eyesight--or at least awareness.  Journalism, for instance, would require that I could get around on my own, to see expressions on peoples' faces and be able to share that with others.  And that's just not something I can reliably do.  Working retail, I found that thieves began to understand I couldn't see well and would target our stores because of me.  You can't begin to know how much that made my heart ache--that I would be a drain for others.  Still, I'm going to keep exploring my options, though one of the few jobs I know I qualify for seems like a soulless endeavor meant to intrude on others' lives (call center work.)

But...there has to be something.  And I will find it.  It might not be for another few years, but I will keep looking.  I just...needed to make that confession here, because although I am making personal progress--completing goals, I'm not sure what the point of all of this is yet.

And I guess I just want you to know that if you don't know either, it's okay.  You can still accomplish things without having a larger goal in mind.  You can still keep moving forward.  And maybe your whole life will be trying to figure out what that one thing you can do in life is; I don't know.

But for now, it's important to celebrate even these small steps--to ensure that we have something to fall back on when things get tough.  We don't have to figure out everything in a moment, and maybe we never will; but we'll keep working at it.

Maybe, today then, find something to celebrate, or make a plan to have something to celebrate, and then plan out how you mean to do just that.  Then get out there and make it so.

Never Stop Learning

I called and spoke with my Grandma yesterday, and there was something that she said that made me smile: she still reads the paper every day.  She says it takes her longer to read it these days, but she keeps at it as best she's able.  She's in her nineties, lives with her husband in their own home, and I can only hope to be half as resilient in my old age as she has been.  I wonder sometimes if she ever actually thinks of herself as old, and I know she's said she is often enough.  But I don't know that she really sees herself that way.  My guess is that part of living a long life is believing you will, and then never surrendering to the idea that you can't do something.  If I ever make it to ninety, I'll do my best to let you know how it happened, though.

Still, more and more research is pointing to the idea that we need to continue to challenge our brains as we age in order to help maintain them.  We should play games and read.  We should learn new things and strive to retain our knowledge of things that are important to us.  But if my Grandma taught me anything on that call yesterday, it's simply the idea that we should never stop learning--about the world around us, about the views of others, and about ourselves.  Remaining committed to learning something new every day can sustain us in moments when everything else seems to be falling apart.

So read a paper (or an e-version of one.)  Sign up for a class.  Search out a topic that's always interested you on the internet.  Grow something new.  The seeds you plant will sustain you through the years.

Drowning in Wisdom

There is this moment when I am writing something here on the page--talking about something that I want to offer as a positive, when suddenly I am realizing all the negative connotations of the words as well.  I'll write two, three, FIVE! paragraphs in and find myself trying to explain away the darker side of the words I've written.  And then I'm throwing those words into a document for later review, or worse, simply selecting them and deleting them, both frustrated and disappointed that the message I had hoped to convey isn't as simple or pleasant as, at first, it seemed.

I have spent hours in such pursuits this week--reading articles as diverse as how we view charity to how art can help us to visualize a better future for ourselves.  Unfortunately you will find very little of that reflected back here in my writing as I want to find words that transcend needing sources outside of the few paragraphs I share here.  But the truth is, underlying most of my writing is a long stretch of unused wisdom I have gathered--along with my own anxiety and a troubled sense of ego posterity--by which I mean "a fear of how what I've written will be seen by present and future generations."

Hence the search for words and ideas that will transcend this moment--perceived negatives and all.  But, sadly, the truth is that most wisdom in the guise of easily remembered phrases can just as often be used for evil as  they can for good.  I often ponder this when I'm writing.  For example, when I exhorted myself and others to be brave, I later considered how those who stormed the capitol on January 6th likely thought themselves such.  Some, no doubt, truly believed the election had been rigged and stolen from them.  How far might you go to right a wrong in something that you believe strongly in?

So, while I want to tell you to keep reaching out to others even (and especially) when you feel like your efforts aren't being noticed, I also worry about those people out there who are willing to prey upon people searching for just such acknowledgement.  I worry that even as I enthusiastically champion using your own voice, there are people out there who will see that as a clarion call to share their hatred, fear, or greed in ways that harm others.

And so, while I sit here, drowning in a sea of good wisdom, I am left with the inescapable reality that even the best of things can be turned about and twisted--mocked and ridiculed for blindly offering hopeful aspirations that may one day be misused.  So let me say this, then:

Do not create for greed.  Do not seek to profit by exploiting fear (though there is a case here for horror films and the horror genre in general.) Do not spread hatred with your works in the world (though your efforts may inspire it.)  Instead create because it is the passion of your whole self.  Profit from the love that you inspire in others, and seek to build a world that is better than when you will inevitably leave it behind.  Maybe, in this way, true wisdom will be found.

Credit: Berkeli Alashov, Unsplash.com

Start Where You're At

I wanted to tell you that who you are is good enough.  I wanted to say that you shouldn't be content with discontent.  But really, I just want you to start where you're at; it's the only place to begin, and if you can do that, then you're on your way to somewhere new.  I can't tell you it'll be without setbacks or that you won't find yourself lost half-way there.  I certainly can't tell you if it's going to be better than where you are now, but if you don't start--how will you ever know?

So why didn't I choose the other affirmations I mentioned?

Telling yourself that you're good enough as you are is sometimes a good thing; it says that imperfection isn't bad.  It says that you can be okay with yourself not being the person you want to be yet.  But the problem with telling yourself that you're good enough is that it can lead to complacency in your life.  In being okay with being imperfect, we can sometimes slip into a bad habit of thinking that the problem with the world isn't us, but everyone else.  And sometimes being okay with who we are right now can lead us to stop believing in a better future for ourselves.

As for not being content with discontent, often this is a good thing, too.  It makes us consider our choices and prompts us to keep striving to do better.  It can be a catalyst for change.  But it can also lead us to believing that everything is within our power to change--that the outside world can be made to conform to our ideal norms when that often isn't the case.  More often, the discontent we feel is something that we need to change about ourselves and how we view the events and circumstances in our lives.  But this, too, can lead to simply settling for less than what we are capable of achieving.

For example, say you want to lose weight.  There are plenty of outside sources in the world willing to give you opinions about the best way to do this, or why you do (or don't,) need to.  If we start with the assumption that we are good enough as we are, we may decide to discount information that contradicts this.  We might choose, instead, to believe that changing who we are by losing weight is in some way diminishing who we are as a person, and that others should neither judge nor criticize us for the choice we have made.  But science tells us that being overweight can lead to adverse health outcomes; we are more prone to disease and may live shorter lives.  Conversely, if we're not overweight, but we feel like we are, choosing not to be okay with where we're at can lead people to anorexia or bulimia.  So you see that both sides of the coin can become problematic if we don't examine the idea that who we are is good enough.

Looking at the idea of not being content with discontent, let's consider the same issue of weight.  In the overweight story, not being contented with our weight can lead to better outcomes over all.  It can remind us of our goals and help us to keep striving toward them.  But what about those who feel fat but aren't?  Choosing to apply the idea that we should not be okay with discontent can again lead to problematic choices like anorexia and bulimia rather than acknowledging that there is a mental or emotional issue that is prompting our discontent--rather than our weight.  And that is why it is so important to examine our discontent and make choices that are going to help us rather than harm us.

We need, then, to examine our lives--to understand where we are at, where we long to be, and how we can go about achieving those things.  And that is why I chose today's affirmation: start where you're at.  Take a look at where you are today--how you're feeling, what you want to accomplish, where you want to be versus where you are.  And then consider how you want to go about achieving those things in your life.  Do you want to just jump right in?  Do you want to set aside some time to plan?  Do you not even know what your goals are yet?  Whatever the case may be, it's important to have a starting point--and that point is now, here, this moment, and you.

So today, start.

Start where you're at.

Practice What Matters

I remember a time when I was younger, and I was taking piano lessons.  My dad told me that if I wanted to get better at it, I needed to practice. I remember that sense of pride I had when I played at my piano recital thereafter--that sense of accomplishment, knowing that I had worked hard to get where I was on that day.  The strange thing is, that performance wasn't perfect.  I'm not even certain it was anywhere near to it, but the effort I had put into practicing made the end result, imperfect as it was, worthwhile.  I remember thinking that I wanted to feel that way about everything, and thus practice should somehow produce similar results.  But team sports proved to be my undoing in that regard.  No matter how much I practiced on my own, I could never quite sync up with the rest of the team.  That lesson was disheartening, as I recall wanting to quit basketball at the time.  My parents wouldn't let me, and I was relegated to score-keeper for our team.  But even that was pretty difficult with my eyesight issues, and I despaired of ever finding a place on that team.  I was relieved when it ended, and though I tried my hand at volleyball, too, and drill team later, I often felt like a burden to the groups I did school activities with.

Coming to the realization that you're never going to be able to be the best at something no matter how much you practice is a rather depressing conclusion, but it was something I came to understand as time went on.  And maybe if someone had helped me see that being the best wasn't as important as doing my best, I might have found myself in a different place in my life than I am now.  But our society prizes competition; it is the mainstay of capitalism, and perhaps that is why I realized that capitalism and competition weren't ways that I wanted to experience value in my life--because in many ways, I couldn't.

It's then that I began a journey to try and find a way through life where who I was, was as prized as what I could do--where being the best wasn't necessary, but rather, simply being was.

I think, far too often, we over-emphasize unimportant things in our lives and the lives of our children.  We tell ourselves and them that success is the important thing, rather than finding contentment and joy in the pursuits we endeavor.  We celebrate perfection, emphasizing the best of a thing, instead of rewarding the effort of the endeavor being undertaken.  And while it is never a bad thing to appreciate the best of something in life, when we embrace it as an all-consuming passion for ourselves and others, I fear we lose out on the real beauty and joy of many accomplishments in this life.

My father, when he sat me down at the piano for that hour a day wasn't looking for perfection.  He just wanted me to try--to work at getting better, because he knew that even if I didn't master the piano, I could still derive joy and a sense of accomplishment in the attempt.  He wanted to show me that practicing yielded results.  And while I wish I had understood better that the point of things wasn't to be the best, I still remember today that practicing can make me better at things that are important to me.

So, today, maybe practice being kinder, or working past obstacles.  Practice thinking about politics, or learning something new.  Practice the things that are important to you, and you will get better at them.  It doesn't ever matter if you're the best at them; what matters is that you tried.

Practice makes progress Painting by Sai Priya Mahajan

Dear Mr. President

Perhaps it was the change in management, or it could just be my newfound interest in politics (as it impacts my and others' abilities to do things.)  Either way, I thought it might be fun/nice(?) to actually take the time to write to my country's highest elected official and let him know what I was thinking about.  It will give me a chance to set down some grievances, offer some ideas, and, in general, support causes, people, and ideas that I feel are important here in America.  I don't expect he will ever read these letters, but perhaps by writing them, I can better reflect on the kinds of people and changes I want to spend my time and money advocating for in both local and national government.  And hopefully it will reflect an opinion that is, at its core, genuine--my own.  So with that in mind, I write today my first Sunday Letter to the President of the United States.

Dear Mr. President,

Face Your Fears

The words are easy things to write--this gray and rainy morning a perfect medium for reflecting on the path ahead.  I can't say I'm moving very fast, but I'm worried that if I move any faster, everything will blow up in my face and fall apart.  And I won't be able to get back up and start over again for a while.  So, while I'm afraid I'm going to forget the things I want to do moving forward with my life--the patron platforms, the exercise and meditation, the (possible) starting of a career, or maybe even going back to college--I know I need to approach each step with care.  Planning steps to reach my goals is ...scary.  I've leapt forward so many times and fallen flat on my face time and time again--enough that I am now wary of doing so in my future endeavors, especially since these things are important to me.

But that also means I can't run away from my fears.  There are reasons that I am afraid (mostly because there are a lot of unknowns when it comes to moving forward,) but understanding what those are can help me to build a plan to move past them.

It's easy to stay where you are.  It's easy to look at a faraway goal and pretend that it isn't important or that if you just keep walking forward, you'll get there eventually.  But hiding from your problems and your fears isn't going to make them go away.  Pretending you'll "figure it all out eventually" isn't going to work if you don't actually choose to figure it out.

Taking this class on finding purpose and meaning in life is really scaring me right now.  I have this fear that I'm definitely not doing it right.  I know the first week explained what a purpose was; I read the words.  I even took a test on them.  But in my head, they're just words.  How do you figure out the central theme of your life?  Why don't I already have one?  Why does everything seem a big jumbled mess that makes no sense now when I thought I had a good strategy for moving forward?

There is a part in the class where they're talking about how people react to threats, and how the response is greater or less depending on whether you are more community-minded (eudaimonic) or materialist (hedonic.) The eudaimonic people had a lesser response, while those who were more hedonic had a greater one.  I kept wondering what my brain would say of me if I were put into the fMRI they were using to study this, and I feared that I'd end up being far more hedonic than I believe myself to be.  It was a sobering (and very troubling,) thought to me--that in spite of my grand beliefs and desires for the world, I'm too scared to actually go out there into the world and try to do something about them.  It's easy to sit here, writing these blogs from the comfort of my bedroom.  It's easy to offer money to people doing work to help others uncover information about things that I find important.  But what am I actually doing to support the people and causes in my life that are important to me?  What am I doing to make my community better?  How can I do more?

The reassuring thing is, I know I can't just run out there and start doing things; I'm not prepared for that.  I need to take time to think through these one-day fears and desires and pull them apart.  And then I need to plan a path forward so that when I do get to the point where I'm ready to do more than think about something, I have built a strong foundation upon which I can build those new ideas and actions into a stronger whole.

I know we've got a long way to go before we're the person we want to be, and it's okay to be afraid of failing, or messing up, or being wrong, or not knowing something.  But rather than letting our fears stop our progress, let's turn them into ideas on how to move forward.  Don't know something?  Let's learn about it.  Afraid of failing?  Let's plan for that so that it's less likely.  Worried we'll mess up?  Let's consider that possibility and the harm it can do and seek to minimize the harm.  Scared of being wrong?  Let's look at that, too, and consider the worst that will occur if we are.  By facing our fears, we can turn them into challenges to be overcome rather than letting them dominate and dictate our lives.

One of my earlier posts said to be brave, and one of the ways of doing that is to face our fears.  It's okay to be frustrated with yourself for being unable to do it "right now!"--those actions you want to take to get past those fears.  But growth isn't always done overnight, and patience and planning are often required.  Maybe, eventually, it will be as easy as flowers blooming after rain and sun, but we've got to plant the seed first--in fertile ground where it can take root.  And that means getting rid of all those fear rocks in the soil that will prevent such growth.

"Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can."  That quote by Arthur Ashe is a real comfort for me today.  I know I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but I'm moving forward.  I'm clearing out those fear rocks, little by little.  And maybe one day, I'll look back and see a mountain behind me--one I built by facing these challenges and overcoming them.

Change Your Perspective

There are days when the world seems bleak and gray--when nothing seems to be going right, and everything is just falling apart around me.  And then there are days when nothing seems like it could ever go wrong--the sun is shining, and everything is right in the world.  But the only real difference about the one day and the next isn't that the day was perfect, or things weren't going wrong (or they were.)  The difference was in how I chose to view the events as they were happening.  My perspective made some bad days worse, and even some good ones, and it also made some bad days better, and the good ones even more transformative.

There are always going to be good and bad days--the best of times, and the worst of times, but the ability lies within us to change our view with regard to them.  I don't imagine most people want to be unhappy, but there are going to be unhappy days.  Still, finding ways to see them in a more positive light (often in retrospect,) can be helpful.

The same can be said when it comes to dealing with stress in our lives.  It can often feel like an incredible weight--the problems we are facing insurmountable.  But if we take the time to reflect on what's causing the stress, if we give ourselves a chance to gain some perspective, often we can find a way to carry the load, and sometimes even lighten it.

Today, or tomorrow, if something starts to eat away at you or to bring you down--take a moment to consider your own perspective.  Think about the outcomes you desire and the feelings you want to be feeling, and then seek to change the moment in your mind to accommodate those outcomes.  Sometimes it really can be as simple as deciding that today is going to be a good day--no matter what.  Or that the word impossible isn't allowed--but rather possibilities abound.

Sometimes changing our perspective can help us to see things in a different way.  So, when you're stuck in a rut--in a place you don't want to be, try to look at it differently  Force yourself to find another way forward.  And hopefully you'll find out something new about yourself and others.

From President Joe Biden's Inauguration Speech:

We must end this uncivil war that pits red against blue, rural versus urban, conservative versus liberal. We can do this if we open our souls instead of hardening our hearts. If we show a little tolerance and humility.

As my mom would say just for a moment, stand in their shoes. Because here’s the thing about life. There’s no accounting for what fate will deal you. Some days when you need a hand, there are other days when we’re called to lend a hand.

 

 

Sometimes the Blank Page Wins

That moment when, given a whole day to find something worthy of the page, you find yourself staring at it, contemplating whether or not your first idea was better than this one.  But you had already backspaced it into oblivion, a gesture you believed showed better judgement than blathering on uselessly about being discerning--something you're not even certain you have any expertise in, let alone the wherewithal to write about it.

And so the blank slate appears again, a sure sign that you're likely running out of ideas and are unlikely to find something better to write for the last ten days of January.  You've posited about future endeavors, brimming with excitement for the months to come, and you're certain that you've no more useful advice to offer your future self on how to improve should the need ever arise.  And yet, you know that there are surely other ideas out there merely waiting for you to find them and refine them--if only you'd had the time.

You ponder the lesson of "Stone Soup" and dislike the deception that creates the meal that everyone eventually shares.  It's a good lesson about combining everyone's meager parts to end up with a greater whole.  But it's that initial act of speaking about that stone soup you want to make; if only you had a pot, some fire, a bit of seasoning, and so on.  Perhaps the instigator is just as important, though--their gift the ability to envision something out of nothing.

And there you are again.  Staring at the blank page again.  Or at least the page you're certain might be better off blank at this point, but you leave the words there anyway hoping from them some vision will arise.  Or at least some semblance of an idea worth the effort.  But nothing comes.

You ponder the simple joy of the dog that slides down a snow-covered hill; you're not certain if he was doing it because he enjoyed it, or if it was the joy he gave to others that led to that adorable video.  And you decide that it was probably a bit of both.  For a moment, you contemplate writing about the idea of doing things that bring you joy, but then you discard that, too, to the mental trash heap of ideas whereupon so many such ideas are relegated after finding that the idea, while sound in theory, is a beast to articulate meaningfully.

So, struggling to wrangle an idea and bring it forth upon the page, you finally concede that, for tonight, the page has won.  It's blank contours, though filled with words, hold little to be desired when it comes to substance.  And you decide that sometimes that is just the way it is.  Some days, the blank page wins.

But there's always tomorrow.

Here We Are Again

Today a new president was sworn into office.

It was a beautiful ritual that made me cry.  It also made me sing, and made me long for a place that was spoken about at length.  I soared in song and words and poetry.  I witnessed a tradition that seemed somehow more important than it ever had.  And yet....

I wonder how long the message of unity will last before it fractures.  I wonder if the wheels of bureaucracy will care about this renewal of the American covenant.  Will it change with the new president, or will it be the same as it ever was?  Will anyone who stormed the steps of the capitol over two weeks ago have seen the same message I saw today and be moved by it?  Or will they note with bitterness the seeming hypocrisy, and lament that truth, justice, and the American way have been trampled upon by those they deem unworthy of it?

Biden mentioned this "uncivil war" in which our country has been engaged (and my sincere congratulations to whomsoever thought up those words and wrote them into President Biden's inaugural address.)  But I am left to wonder if, four years from now, the words that were spoken today will have had some lasting effect--that those who pledged to follow the President and strive for unity truly had any real success.

And while I want to stand in that moment of hope that today represents, I am left with the wilted spirit of worry that the very ideas President Biden espouses are nothing more than words.  I feel heavy with doubt that those who seek power and money will seek any real kind of reform or change, or if, as I suspect will be the case, they will simply be able to better hide their evils because we'll be unwilling to challenge them for fear that it will cause further divide.

And so, here we are again.  And though the face may have changed, and the rhetoric may have differed, the problems that America must confront remain the same.  Our infrastructure is still crumbling.  Our planet is still being polluted.  Our poor still suffer.  And though there is talk of Change, the reality of that change feels infinitely far away--or worse, not even there.

I want to believe in the American Dream, but I wonder if there is anything left of her--or if she's been bought and sold to the highest bidders after all.

But, as foolish as it might seem, I will still hope that things will get better.

For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
If only we’re brave enough to be it.
~~ Amanda Gorman "The Hill We Climb"~~

Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

Just a Few Words

My heart doesn't want to be here at the computer writing this today.  I want to clean up things and straighten them.  I want to go play games and listen to podcasts.  I want to forget about the news stories I read from my e-mail, and I want to enjoy the thought of this being Donald Trump's last day as president of my country.

I want to share my anger with NYC protestors who were arrested last night on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  I want to cry at the headlines that read that we've surpassed 400,000 deaths due to Covid-19--in a little over a year.  I want to share my joy at seeing the 200,000 flags spread across the mall to celebrate Joseph Biden's inauguration, and I want you to know my fears about California wildfires going forward as I listen to the howling of the winds outside my window right now.

But...I know I need to write something here each day.  I made a promise to myself that I intend to keep.  Writing and words are important to me, and sharing my love of them--by creating with them, is something I've always wanted to do.

So here we are.

I've been thinking about future plans for upcoming months, and I suppose I ought to explain that January was always meant to be a letter to my future self.  It was meant to inspire me as the months of 2021 roll on, and to remind me to ground myself every now and again in some important concepts.  But, of course, I had to follow that advice sooner than I thought I would--"be adaptable."

And while my heart and mind long to run away from this page today, I knew I needed to write just a few words.  I knew I needed to shove some thoughts onto the page--to remind myself that importance is reflected in the things we do, even in as much as the things we say.

So, future self, if you ever make it back here, I apologize for not writing something more inspiring.  But I hope you'll run away with me today and be as passionate as I feel, doing everything you can with all of your heart and soul to make today and each day hence better.

Please Remember

When you stop seeing other human beings as people, it is easier to dismiss them.

If war has taught us anything, it has taught us this.

Or at least it should have.

I read a story today about how Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife, Corretta, went to India for a whole month.  There, a caste system still exists to this day in which there were a class of people known as "untouchables."  (They're called the Scheduled Caste these days, and despite laws that prevent discrimination based on caste, it still occurs.)  The story related how King was introduced to a class of young students at one point as "a fellow untouchable."  At first, it bothered him.  The label is one that I found myself even cringing at a bit when I thought about how I would feel if I were called such.  But when he realized that black people in America were this lowest class (as the untouchables were in India,) he understood why the untouchables of India embraced him as such.  And he realized that the struggles they both faced were, in fact, very similar.

As we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day here in the United States, I think it is important to confront our own biases about others--to look at how we judge people, and to realize that we are all human.

What we do to the least of our brothers and sisters, we do to all.  So, when we actively hate or seek to harm others, we are hating and harming ourselves.

Today, ...please remember that.

Happiness Isn't an Achievement

You don't wake up one day and just suddenly achieve happiness.  Much like other relationships in your life, happiness is a journey that requires time and commitment.  It requires dedication and perseverance in order to maintain, and much like anything else in life, if you don't work at it, you're not likely to see results.

So why, then, has so much effort been spent on trying to make us believe that this, that, or the other will somehow be our quick fix to happiness for the rest of our lives?  I expect, more often than not, it's about making money--and often not to your benefit.  Many of us will argue that we just don't have time for building a relationship with one more thing in our lives.  And yet, if happiness is something we're looking for, doesn't it seem obvious that we ought to make that time?

I've often heard the saying that it's not where you've been, but where you're going that matters.  Yet, in many ways, I feel that's disingenuous.  Where we've been matters.  It can inform us as we move forward in life, and sadly, more often than not, the bad things we've done can follow us for far longer than the good ones.  But without that past, we wouldn't be where we are right now.  The same can be true for your happiness journey.  Remembering times when we were happy in the past can help us to find similar paths in the future.  Remembering times when we were unhappy can help us to avoid the same mistakes.

In my mind, happiness is a journey.  It is not something you attain, but rather something that occurs throughout our lives as we work to build foundations for it.  There is no magic pill (though pills can certainly help in cases of depression and mental maladies;) there are no "buy happiness now" items (though candles, trips, and even a piece of chocolate can inspire moments of happiness.)  Happiness is something we have to create for ourselves every day.

So during this coming week, don't forget to set aside some time to reflect on what's making you happy (and what isn't.)  Put some effort into creating situations that bring you enjoyment, and don't forget that happiness requires effort if you want it to last.

Build a Better Tomorrow Today

Dreams don't become realities just by wishing for them to come true.  We have to apply ourselves to making those dreams a reality each and every day.  To do otherwise is just inviting failure.

But how do you reach for your dreams if you're not even sure how to make them a reality?

Back when I was having a hard time, after my dad had passed away, my mom told me to make lists of things that I wanted to accomplish each day.  I hated the idea, and I don't think I did it until long after the advice wasn't pertinent to the situation.  But she also told me to do just one thing on that list every day--just one.  If I could manage that, I was moving forward.

So, if you don't know how to make your dream real, start by finding out how.  If that means spending a day scouring the internet for ideas, then do it.  If that means taking a walk to clear your head, do that.  If it means spending time each day doing something only tangentially related to your goals, but still improving your skills and abilities, then do that.

As the saying goes: Rome wasn't built in a day.

But if you want to get somewhere, you have have to start somewhere--and that means now.  Today!

And if you're still trying to figure out what your dreams are in life, that's important to discover, too.  And don't worry if your dreams change over time.  And don't fret if you find yourself diverting away from them for a while.  Not every dream will be reached; not every goal will be met.  But striving toward them is worthwhile.

So if you want to be better at something tomorrow, make sure you put some effort into doing that today.  Otherwise, you'll never get to that better tomorrow.

Use Your Voice

The only way to create something that is uniquely you is to use your voice.

Now, a voice isn't just talking or even writing.  Voices can be music or art.  They can be physics and math.  They can be science experiments and research.  They can be machines and inventions.  They can even be baking, gardening, or exercising.  The key to having a voice, then, seems to be sharing it.  Because all of these things, if kept solely to yourself and for yourself, while they may be a pleasure and bring you personal happiness, don't really speak to the world.  It is only when we share these things with others that our voices--the ones that make us uniquely us, can be heard.

Martin Luther King Jr. knew this.  He chose, rather than to keep his knowledge and his hopes and dreams to himself, to share his vision with others.  He wanted to make the world a better place.  Was he perfect?  No.  But he didn't stop trying just because he had failings.  He talked, and he wrote until the very end.

I have this weird, recurring vision of myself as becoming homeless.  I see myself soliciting money, not just to eat, but so that I can go into a dollar store and get some sidewalk chalk.  I want to write messages on the sidewalks that inspire goodness in people.  Slogans like, "Be kind to one another."  And "Keep Going!"  I suspect if I ever do become homeless I'll have more to worry about than this, and I may be far more jaded than I am now living comfortably as I do.  But I guess I just don't want the people who are seen as the least of us to be overlooked--to be considered less than a person.  And I guess I hope those little sidewalk messages would inspire people who see them to maybe also, then, see me.

The thing is, we all have a voice that is uniquely our own, and sharing it with the world--even if it's just writing into the void or posting pictures of the things you make or taking your instrument outside and letting it sing for a while, or sidewalk chalking slogans--even if no one seems to notice, that is something you've shared with the world, a part of yourself, whole and true.  And maybe it will make the world a little better.

That is my hope for all of you: may your voice make the world a better place.

Sometimes It's Okay to Hide

I think one of my favorite words is hermit.

Here is how the dictionary defines it:

one that retires from society and lives in solitude especially for religious reasons

Apparently it is also a type of spiced molasses cookie, which I will now have to look up and learn how to make.  The important part of that definition, though, is the "one that retires from society and lives in solitude."

While I'm not sure I can countenance anyone going off to become a hermit in the world, I do get the impetus at times.  The world can seem overwhelming, or overbearing.  Being sociable can often be taxing, and seeking to fit in can often lead to self-loathing, resentment, and self-hate.  How much nicer would it be to simply not have to be what society expects us to be?  How much happier might we be if we could just pursue the things that interest us without having to earn a living?

Sometimes, it's important for us to escape from everything--including our own expectations for ourselves and others.  Sometimes it's important to take a day and become a hermit.

There is this idea in mental health circles called recharging.  It asserts that often we use so much of our personal batteries for simply trying to do what's expected of us that we fail to reserve any of that energy for ourselves.  I like that idea, as I can often relate to it.  I often feel drained when I have to deal with other people or venture outside.  I worry about how I am viewed--how others see me, and how I present myself.  I despair, often, about how I look and how that one thing influences the way that people see me and deal with me.  I'm afraid that I'll bump into someone due to my own lack of eyesight, or that I won't notice when others are seeking to be kind to me because I can't see their efforts.  I often pretend that everything is fine so that I can just make it out the door when we have to go somewhere.  And sometimes amidst all that internal chaos, I actually enjoy myself and stop worrying.

Which is often why I need time to just ...hermit--to hide away from the rest of the world so that I don't have to think about it, or deal with it, or beat myself up about how bad I am at being a person.

And I think that's okay.

You may not have the same issues I do, but I expect you have stressors that make life incredibly difficult at times.  And if you don't get a chance to be away from those for a while, it can literally drive you insane.

So, don't feel bad about hermiting when you need to.  No one can tell you how best to be a hermit, and if they try, don't worry about listening to them.  You recharge however you need to (so long as you're not harming yourself or others, of course, in the process.)  Take some time off from social media, social obligations, your family, and your other obligations.  Do something that makes you happy and recharges your batteries.  Remind yourself that who you are is okay.

Taking time for yourself--stepping away from the world for a little while to remember the things that make you happy, is never a bad choice.

Hermit by Gerrit Dou, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Don't Get Lost in the Noise

Sometimes it's easy to lose ourselves in the onslaught of advice and opinions, news and facts that surround us.  We listen to what other people say should be important to us, and often, without thinking, we accept that as truth.  But the only person who can decide what is important, who can tell you whether the choices you've made are the right ones or the wrong ones--is you.  And it's important to remember that, because the world is full of people who will tell you you're wrong, or seek to dissuade you from your path, or try to force their ideas of how things in life "should be" onto you.  But as we're learning more and more with science--each of us is unique.  Each of us has experiences that shape our views in life.  And only we know what is truly best for us.

That said, ...don't be afraid to doubt yourself.  Don't turn away from ideas or advice that you disagree with.  Often there are reasons why we feel as we do, and if we aren't willing to challenge our beliefs and our choices, we can't really know if we were right or wrong with the choices we made.  Facing our own choices can be scary, as can facing our own beliefs.  But often doing so can lead to revelations that strengthen us.

For example, there is course that I think I am going to sign up for that starts today that states that we as people need a purpose in life.  I'm not certain I agree with that premise, and I expect I am going to fight my way through the course seeking to challenge its basic tenets.  But I also want to know why this professor believes that having purpose in our lives is important, because I know that a lot of people in life ascribe to that ideology.  So, clearly the philosophy behind it is important as it has shaped our communal vision of "right choices" in the world today.  And understanding that, even if I'm not sure I agree with it, is important for my own personal growth.  It allows me to better understand where we are at in the world--how we got here, and why this idea is so prevalent.

I am hoping that there will be scientific studies that back up this course's assertions, and that perhaps by understanding those, I might better improve my own journey through life.

And who knows?  Maybe I'll even change my mind.

In the end, though, the choice will be mine, and I will have made it by becoming more informed rather than simply going with my gut feeling (and fears) that it's just wrong.  I will have confronted others' views and sought to understand them.

And perhaps in having done so, I won't be bothered by the noise on that issue if it comes up again.  I'll have considered it, and weighed it, and made my own decision.

And that's what I mean by not getting lost in the noise.  If it's important to you, find your answer--challenge your beliefs so that they might be tempered and strengthened, and so that you won't get swept away with the currents when you inevitably have to contend with the tides of others' thoughts and opinions.  That way you can find your own truth in life.

You Are Not An Island

"No man is an island entire of itself;..."

I have been thinking today of compassion, consideration, understanding, and forgiveness.  These ideas are difficult in many ways, and trying to find the right words to explain my vision of them has proven far more difficult than I'd imagined when I began.  I kept coming back to the idea that the things we do and say in life have a way of reverberating in the world around us--that whether or not you wish to accept the social contract of the world in which we live, you are still part of it, and thus still responsible for what occurs within it.

I struggled with the idea of forgiving those who have no remorse for their actions, and then remembering a story in which a Holocaust survivor said that forgiveness wasn't about excusing someone else's actions, but rather a statement that their actions no longer had any control over us.  Still the government that hurt her (and many others,) suffered a resounding defeat in WWII.  I have to imagine that made forgiveness easier for her.

I considered the idea of compassion for others and ourselves, and that mingled with the idea of understanding--trying to place ourselves in the shoes of others.  We are the center of our own universe, so it's hard to put ourselves at the center of someone else's.  But it is essential if we intend to share this world together.

I recalled an article about the social contract when it came to something as simple as returning a cart at the grocery store, and how often we fail at doing that.  How, then, can we expect people to do other little things like recycling?  Consideration in the little things must then lead to consideration when it comes to even greater things.

I reflected on my own lack of knowledge about the world and history--how these things can offer context and clues as to what works in life and what doesn't.  And I realized that being open to new information has helped me to shape my views on the world--how each new piece of information that I have acquired has helped me to become a better person because I am better able to understand others.  The more I have closed myself off from the world, the darker it became.  The easier it was to be afraid and to hate.  And so knowledge leads to understanding, which in turn leads to hope.

But the main thing that all of those ideas had in common was how they were tied to this notion that our lives are not lived in a vacuum.  We are not islands entire to ourselves.  The choices we make have repercussions.  And the things we do and say have consequences.  That is why it is so important to seek out knowledge that we may better understand (this life, ourselves, others;..) so that, maybe the only thing we will need to forgive is ourselves when we fail in that.

Be Kind

 It seems simple enough to say this, but:

Be kind to one another.

Even the worst treatment doesn't deserve to be reciprocated in kind.  But rather, in my mind, it takes a greater sense of fortitude and courage not to respond that way.  Being right doesn't mean we have to be rude, uncouth, or violent.  And often, if you are that way when you're right, few people will want to listen to what you have to say.

Being kind isn't just about others, though.  Being kind means to also treat yourself with compassion and understanding.  None of us are perfect.  It's okay to be wrong.  It's okay to mess up.  Learn from the experience and move on.  Don't continually beat yourself up over it.  Doing so often hurts more than just yourself.

So rather than throw anger back in the face of anger--like throwing gasoline at a fire, let's meet anger with compassion.  Let's seek to understand rather than condemn.  Let's lead by an example we desire to be rather than an example of what we don't want to be.

But most of all, let's be kind to one another and ourselves.

It's Never Too Late

 ...to get in a post before the day is done.  Although I suppose the same could be said for just about anything in life.  It just depends on how much time and effort you want to put into doing whatever it is that you want to get done.  Some things are worth the effort--like these posts, for instance, and other things (like learning how to be better at PvP in WoW,) are not.  Determine if something is important to you, and if it is, don't give up on it.  Keep working at it as best you can.

Because it's never too late to achieve what you believe is important to you.

A brief aside on this point:

My mom went back to college in her forties.  My dad is just now getting around to fixing up his Road Runner--a dream he's had since I was a kid.  For my mom, becoming a nurse was important to her, and for my dad, that car has been something he's wanted to do since he was young.  They held on to those dreams, and they have worked hard to make them a reality.  It may have taken them years to get to where they wanted to be, but they kept trying.  They didn't give up.  They didn't decide it was too late for them.

The point being: no matter how impossible something might seem to be today, if you keep working at it, little by little, if it's important to you--you'll find a way to get to where you want to go.  There may be lots of twists, turns, and unexpected detours along the way, but if you're willing to stick with it, you'll get there.

So don't give up.  Do your best!  It's never too late to do something that is important to you.

Keep Going

I think the best advice for anyone struggling with something is simply to keep going.  One step more can lead to ten and maybe then a hundred.  But a journey only ends if we stop.  Backwards, forwards--it doesn't matter the direction so long as we just keep going.  You can't reach a goal if you don't try.

I know for some, thinking about the past week, these words may seem trite or even ridiculous, but they are helping me push through my fears and depression.  Also, when I say to keep going, I don't mean to simply throw yourself at a wall over and over again, either.  When I say "keep going" what I am saying is that it's important to acknowledge our failures, but not to dwell on them.  Reflect on them, but don't let them control the journey moving forward.

Today is not yesterday.  Today is not tomorrow.  This, too, shall pass, and nothing lasts forever.  So keep going, even when all you want to do is hide from the world and yourself.  We can only become defined by moments if we continue to live in them and dwell on them.  So if this isn't where you want to be, if this isn't the person you want to be, keep going.

Just keep going.

from a post off the website Design Sponge

Moving Forward

I want to have good words that will make people happy.
I want to be able to write them here.

And I guess that's the best I can do today.  I tried a lot of other words already, and none of them seemed the right ones.

So today, try to do only good things.  Try to say only true things.

And do your best not to despair.

I think I will just crawl back into bed, curl up with the cat, and do something brainless for a while.  Thinking has only made things worse today.

A Not Important Person's View on the Events of January 6, 2021

First, I want to offer my condolences to those who lost someone important to them yesterday in the coup that was the storming of the U.S. Capitol building.  As the story continues to be told over the next several weeks, I fear that these will be just the first of many deaths--especially if those who began this coup decide that it is important enough to continue it.  That's not counting the lives that could be lost because of the corona virus in another two weeks as people begin to experience the effects of their actions yesterday.  While I don't expect those protesters intended to start a coup, that is what happened.  That is the reality that we are left with.

Yesterday I went through a whirlwind of emotions, many of which I am still trying to grapple with.  Fearful, angry, sad, excited, disgusted, resigned, depressed...but the ones I am left with today are mostly sadness and anger--sad because I have many loved ones who feel that what happened yesterday was needed and justified.  And if this continues, I may find myself, like I expect many found themselves during our last civil war, fighting against my own family and friends over an ideal.  And angry because there is a man in the White House that calls himself the President who deluded millions of Americans into believing that this country in which we live is not, in fact, great, but rather a cesspool on the verge of becoming a third world country.  A president who not only condemns the main stream media and science, but anyone who is associated with them when they refuse to conform to his idea of the world.  And also angry at the people in power who abetted him in all of this.

And so, like our nation, I am divided and in pain.

There is a final anger in me--that the people who started this coup yesterday are likely unwilling to see this thing through to the end.  If they believe so whole-heartedly that this election was a fraud, if they believe that our democracy is truly a sham, then they should be out there protesting, storming the houses of government, and seeking to overthrow it.  But mostly, I think they just don't like that they lost, and they won't have the heart and the will to follow through with any of this.  Which just means that we'll be dealing with this for years to come.

I don't want there to be war, though.

I don't imagine any of us does--save those few who have never fought in one or sought to survive one.  But one charismatic leader (and those who are willing to prop him up) is all it takes--as history can attest.

So, here we are on the cusp of change, in a new year, and the world feels like its falling apart already.  I don't know how to reach the other side with words.  I feel like we've been trying for a really long time, and instead of listening, they've just got their fingers in their ears, chanting "La la la, I can't hear you!" as loud as they can at the world.  Or maybe there's nothing left inside of them besides anger.

But I feel like the propaganda wars are real.  I feel like people with more money than sense believe they know what's best for them, and thus the world, and don't care how many of us non-believers they kill along the way.  After all, it's only words, and words don't kill.  Sticks and stones and all that.  The best kind of propaganda ensures that you can't blame it for anything.

And so, ...once again, I am sad--sad to see how easily people can be manipulated.  Sad to see how easily a moment of protest can become a conflict etched forever into history--one that casts doubt on the strength and actual greatness of our country.  Sad that all I can do is hope that yesterday opened the eyes of those who sought to stop the processes of our government (I hesitate to say overthrow it as I don't believe they were really aiming to do that,)--that maybe they understand a little better what thoughtless action can lead to.  That maybe they realize how easily something truly great can be lost.

Sad that all I can do is hope that they don't really believe all the things they say they do, because if they really do....

If they really do, then this division will continue to grow until it tears us all apart.

Be Brave

 I really love the movie Brave.  I love the red-headed girl, Merida, and all the crazy hijinks she gets up to.  I love that she is young, vibrant, foolish, loving, and ...relatable.  After all, who hasn't sometimes wanted to wish someone into a corn patch somewhere?  Or ...wished your family would turn into bears?

While her wishes come true in a crazy sort of way, it had more to do with her fearlessness than her actual smarts.  And sometimes, I think being fearless is pretty amazing.  While Merida doesn't always go about it in the most sensible of ways, being brave is something I think we could all stand to embrace more of.

A lot of my life has been defined by my fears, and in many ways, it still is.  But each day, I struggle to try and do something just a little brave--a little fearless.  It isn't easy, and often I need time to recover and consider where I could have done better.  But being brave allows me to go a little further the next time until those fears creep back in and send me packing.  And that's okay.

Part of life is learning to combat the fears that haunt us, and not everyone will handle that struggle the same way.  Still, it's important that we try; it's important to be brave.

When you see something wrong, even if it's not happening to you, say something or do something to help the situation and make things better.  If you have the urge to talk to someone, go and do it!  Be the kind of change you want to see in others.  But most importantly, be brave by moving past your fear.  Even if it's one step, that's something to be proud of.

So put on your red hair, grab your bow, and let's do something that scares the hell out of us.

Let's be brave!

Be Adaptable

 The best way to deal with most situations is to adapt to them as they unfold.  It's easier said than done, sadly, but if we work at it, eventually we'll be able to do more--instead of stressing out about things that usually aren't in our control.

Each day pick just one thing that it's important for you to get done.  It can be as simple as "get out of bed" or something more ambitious like "get the laundry in the hamper done."  Whatever the task is, make it something you feel you'll be able to do, though.  For example, if you have two weeks worth of laundry in the hamper, don't be upset if you can't do it all in one go.  And if you can't get it all done, and it was one of your goals, consider what stopped you from being able to accomplish it.  And don't count it as a failure if you don't complete it; consider it a learning experience.

Part of being adaptable is figuring out what you can do and trying to understand when you're unable to meet your goals and expectations.  And don't settle for calling yourself lazy or incapable.  Maybe what you believed to be important really wasn't to you, and that's okay.  Figuring these things out will help us become more adaptable, and if there's something you really dislike doing (but is important to you to have done,) maybe there is someone else out there that is willing to help you get it done.  As always, asking for help is just as important to being adaptable as it is for learning how to find balance in your life.

Roll with the punches.  Don't sweat the little stuff.  Let your plans be detoured or derailed.  Some of the greatest adventures in life come when we least expect them.  So be open to them by embracing adaptability.

Hanson Duvall Puthuff (American, 1875–1972)
Many Paths, California Foothills Landscape

Reflection on the New Year

 As we move forward into this new year of 2021, it's important to reflect on its first three ideals:

Believe
Balance
Breathe

Find something you believe in, and work toward realizing it.  We often consider these resolutions or goals, but they are actually beliefs about who or what we want to be in the coming year.  Change takes time, however, and without believing in the things we want to change, there can be no actual progress toward them.  So don't stop believing.  (Hold on to that feeling!)

Learning to find a balance between doing and being--between the ups and the downs that life inevitably will hand us, is as important as believing in our hopes and dreams.  If we do so much that we become burnt out or overwhelmed, it can make it harder to start again when the time is right.  Knowing when to ask for help, when to take a step back, and when to keep pushing for that last little inch is a lifelong endeavor.  Balance is something we learn to do over time--trial and error--falling down and rising up again.  But each time we fall, let it be a lesson learned so that it takes a little longer and we go a little further until the next time everything gets out of balance.

And lastly...breathe.  As important as we might believe everything to be, if we don't take the time to notice where we are, it may be harder in the future to know where we've been.  Take a moment for yourself--take a moment to remember that breathing sustains this life we are living.  And be grateful for this one little thing that makes all the other great ones possible.

And so onward into the new year, bolstered by these reflections, let us boldly go!

Breathe

It is one of the most important and often the least recognized parts of living as a human being--breathing.

There is little wonder why many different kinds of exercises focus so much time and energy on breathing.  Anyone who's studied singing knows that breathing is essential to learning how to sing.  Women who are pregnant learn to focus on their breathing to help lessen the pain and stress of giving birth.  And meditations often stress focusing on breathing as a way to destress and relax.

If we are unable to breathe, we will die.

Sometimes breathing is about more than just taking air in and out of our bodies; sometimes it is about giving ourselves space to simply be ourselves.  Sometimes it's about the need for freedom.  "I Can't Breathe" has become a rallying cry against oppression and racism.  The wind is sometimes referred to as the breath of god or gods, and in poetry, it becomes the spirit of those who have departed this life returning to remind or comfort us.

And yet, very often, we forget how important it is.

Don't forget to take some time to reflect on your breaths--to realize the power within them.  Remind yourself of the fragility of life, and remember to be grateful for each breath you have taken and will take.

And when you are feeling stressed out or overwhelmed by all that life is throwing at you, take a moment to simply breathe--in and out.

In.

Out.

You can come back to everything else, but breathing is important.

Remember to Breathe: Painting by Olivia Jones

Remember to Breathe.