Dear Mr. President,
I've thought and thought about writing this for a few days now, but honestly all I've wanted to do the past few days is play games and sort of hide away from the world. My weeks are full of trying to do all the right things for getting back into school this Fall, and by the time the weekend arrives, I feel pretty drained. But I don't seem to be alone in the desire to escape, as I read an article recently about how you tend to spend your weekends away from the White House if you can manage it. And to me that seems to be a very healthy thing to do.
I think, sometimes, we can get so caught up in our jobs or our responsibilities that we forget to take some time out for things like fun and joy. That said, this past week hasn't been one in which I find our government inspiring much joy in me. I read the stories from week to week and find myself angry at whatever stunt one side or the other is pulling. And I imagine on the right, people are complaining about people on the left, and the opposite for the others side. But this side-ism strikes me as something of a distraction--a way to make people forget about all the mistakes, deals, and wrongs that both sides are committing.
I mean, let's face it; we're fallible people who often fail at being good to one another. We look at the world through the lens of divisions rather than commonalities, and even when we do try to do otherwise, we're often criticized for legitimizing bad behavior or allowing bad-faith actors to stall necessary progress. Mostly though, I think people are just good at being unhappy about things. We look at where we're failing instead of seeing where we're succeeding. We point out the wrong things without talking about how to change them.
And I know you've got plans. I've heard you talk about them. I've seen them on the WhiteHouse.gov page to be read. But the sticking point always comes when we start discussing the details--who gets the contracts? How are senators and representatives fulfilling their obligations to their donors? And what, in the end, is left for the rest of America--the ones who aren't important, monied, or valued? And I think most people land in that last category, but we're so caught up in just living and being mad at whatever outrage our parties believe we should be outraged about that we decide change should come in the form of someone else--a vote, a program, charity, business, or some other guy. The Right seems fed up with this lack of independence in the hearts and minds of people while the Left seems fed up with the idea that people can and should do everything on their own. "We all have an even shot at things," says the Right while the Left says, "We need to do more for people because our systems are inherently unfair." The weird thing is, neither side seems really determined to work on making those things easier or better. We just keep digging the same hole, piling up the same mountain of dirt, and it's a wonder that either side manages to make anyone happy.
I imagine you know we have bigger problems than infrastructure and failing policies and programs that are meant to help people. But these former problems are NOW and all-important. What of the bigger problem, though, Mr. President? What of the unjust laws? The corrupt politicians? The duplicitous businesses? When do we get to start fixing those things? Is that even possible? Instead of apologizing for our wrongs, it seems the years have taught people to compound them, double down on them, and pretend like they're not important. I think it's important, though. And I'm not saying we should go around airing our dirty laundry to one another all the time; that would get pretty depressing. But maybe instead of going about business as usual when we've done something wrong, maybe we ought to, instead, try to make it right. Apologize to those we've wronged, and demand the same from others. And maybe if they're not willing to do the same, perhaps it's time to change the relationship to better reflect our understanding of how they choose to behave. Set standards for what we expect, including when we're inevitably going to make mistakes, and then uphold them.
I know you're going to meet with Russia's president soon; I expect that's going to be a difficult meeting. I wish I had something more to offer than, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't be doing illegal things with our spies and operatives in other countries." But I don't expect that's in the presidential wheel house, which honestly makes me sad. I just wish bad people doing bad things didn't make us have to become bad people, too. Maybe we could try for not being those kinds of people, though?
A lot of people have died defending what they believe to be an important ideal--America. Maybe they wanted to support the idea of freedom for all, or equality for all. Maybe they believed that good could conquer evil. Perhaps they valued the importance of life, or maybe they championed the idea that people should have choices. Maybe they fought against oppressive governments and regimes, or maybe they were just hoping to gain a better life for themselves and those they loved. Whatever their reasons, they made a choice to offer their lives in service to it.
I often wish I heard more stories about why people join the military. I also wish we heard more stories about the horrors of war. Maybe, then, we wouldn't be so drawn to conflict. Maybe if we saw the worst it could create of humankind, we'd be more willing to try and help find ways to avoid those situations instead of creating them. The more I learn about the way people create war-like ideologies, the more I have seen their lives hold a traumatic past--someone is killed by someone else, or dies because someone else chooses (knowingly or otherwise,) to withhold aid that could have saved them. And this becomes an isolating focus; everything outside of that idea born of that moment becomes "other". Connections are lost; humanity becomes narrowly defined, and the cycle of hatred begins anew. It's the pain in our souls that breeds wars, Mr. President, and the fear of losing whatever small bit of power we've managed to accumulate to save ourselves from future pains. And I don't know how to end that. But I am grateful there are men and women who are willing to try--who serve at the behest of a beloved ideal in the hope that by doing so, something good will come of it. But maybe let's try to find a better way? The scars of war are not something that ever go away, and they destroy the hope and love in people. I know it's taken my step-dad a long time to make peace with his demons, and I am certain there are still many he struggles with, even now. People shouldn't have to endure that.
I guess my thoughts are a bit meandering today, Sir, but looking back at what wars have won for us, and what they have cost us, my whole being feels clouded in sadness. I wonder about what great inventions or wonderful stories have been lost. I imagine beautiful scenes of old men and women having lived and survived to see children or the fruits of their endeavors comforting them as they contemplate a peaceful end to their lives. It's a sad story--the loss of a life in war. And while I have seen wills broken by it, I have seen hopes found and strengths nurtured in its survival. But I think I'd rather have the people, stories, and accomplishments without all that pain and suffering.
There is a saying that we remember so that we do not repeat the mistakes of the past. But I think we also remember so that we hold on to the important things in life. So this Memorial Day, I hope you and your family are well. I hope you feel proud to represent the love, honor, and lives of our military, and I hope that you cherish them deeply--from their hopes and dreams to their joys and sorrows. And I hope that you will consider what could be lost when and if we ever need to confront the specter of war again.
Politics in Washington may be a game to some, but for others, it's a lived and shared belief that we stand for something worthy of dying for.
~~ Jenni
President Joe Biden pauses after placing a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day, Monday, May 31, 2021, in Arlington, Va.(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
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